I want to be replaced by a parrot if I die in Cleveland

If I do die in Cleveland... I want a parrot... play old episodes of Pardon My Take for the parrot... put it in front of a microphone and you talk to it and it'll just basically do the same shitty takes that we've done for the past three months. Nobody will even know that it's not me anymore.

Phil Mickelson is the first person with a recessive clutch gene

Phil [Mickelson] has a clutch gene because he's won a championship, but I think he might be the first person with a recessive clutch gene. You know how a redhead... you'll blow the redhead that pops up in your family. He's got the recessive clutch gene because he so often finishes second.

Phil Mickelson choked away another major championship

Anytime you got Phil [Mickelson] finishing in second, the storyline is Phil Mickelson choked away another one. Let's focus where it needs to be because it's always fun to make fun of Phil for being always the bridesmaid, never the bride guy.

Duke is the best team in the country and it would be an all-time failure if they don't win the title

This is the best team in the country. It would be an all time epic failure if Duke doesn't win the national title. They are the first time I believe that a team has reached plus 40 in Ken Palm since 1999. Duke... This team has it all.

Duke not winning the national title would be the most consequential sports story of all time

I think it would be the biggest sports story of all time. If Duke did not win the national title this year. All time. I think all time story... Duke not winning at all this year would be the biggest, the most consequential sports story of all time. Not our lifetimes of all time.

Arizona's Tommy Lloyd is a candidate to choke in March because he is a Mark Few disciple

Tommy Lloyd being a Mark Few disciple, even though Arizona is really, really, really good. Yeah. I'm just like, that guy's getting choke in March.