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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Due to the 'Parallax Effect,' there has actually never been a goal scored in the history of hockey

There's a little something called the parallax effect... Depending on where you're standing in the arena, the puck can never be in the net. So we're good... That was not a goal. That was a great call by the official. The presence of mind to use the parallax effect in the middle of a game... you can't teach that.

This is a satirical take using a real optical phenomenon to make a false claim about the existence of goals.

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Void
Apr 30, 2018
#9662
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James is now the fourth-best player of all time

I am now moving LeBron to fourth best all-time, right ahead of Kobe. So that's big of me. I've seen enough. You've got MJ, Magic, Bill Russell.

Subjective ranking of players.
Void
Apr 30, 2018
#21781
HankHank

LeBron James's Game 7 cramps were a calculated 'escape plan' to have an excuse if the Cavaliers lost

I actually have a theory that [LeBron's cramps] was an escape plan. Because when he went to the locker room, it was tied. So he was like, if I go to the locker room with cramps, it's an excuse in case we lose this game.

This is an unfalsifiable psychological theory about LeBron's intent, making it inherently subjective.
Void
Apr 30, 2018
#21782
Big CatBig Cat

Ty Lue's decision to save Tristan Thompson for Game 7 was a genius coaching plan

Tristan [Thompson] Kardashian was basically the— I mean, he didn't play the entire series... Ty Lue... was saving all his energy... It's actually a genius plan by Ty Lue. [Fresh legs] for game seven.

Whether the decision was intentional genius or just a desperate adjustment is a matter of coaching opinion.

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Win
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Maxx Crosby to the Ravens is a great move that makes their defense scary

Congrats to the Ravens. Congrats to Jesse Minter. This is a good, a great move. Their defense is gonna be scary. I love the transition from Maxx Crosby was always meant to be playing in a badass uniform. Raiders to Ravens, it's like, okay.

The trade is real and the Ravens defense is historically elite.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Cowboys 'monitoring' every situation is just a facade for doing nothing

Thoughts and prayers to the Dallas Cowboys who are now leading the NFL in number of guys that they're monitoring... they've been monitoring every situation. So they were monitoring the Crosby situation extremely closely. And they're very disappointed that they did not get Maxx Crosby, despite the fact that they're monitoring.

It's a satirical take on the Cowboys' lack of action in free agency/trades.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Kyler Murray's next team will reveal whether he actually cares about football

I think where Kyler decides to go is going to be very interesting. Yeah. Because no, no matter where he goes, I think we'll be able to say some very definitive statements about Kyler that might, might be wrong, but we'll definitely say them. If he goes to the Jets, it's like, oh, Kyler wanted to take a paycheck. Right. And he still doesn't care about football. Right.

Kyler Murray's reputation for 'not caring' is a long-standing trope that would likely be applied to a paycheck-driven move.

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