Steve Ballmer is definitely the guy at a bachelor party who over-plans every single detail

Steve Ballmer is definitely the dude on a bachelor party who overplans every detail. It's like, alright, we're going to go fucking play some golf... 8 a.m. We're going to go to a nice, awesome lunch spot that I found. Then I rented a boat. Then we got a dinner. It's like, dude, we just want to fucking get drunk. Stop planning everything.

The NHL is partially responsible for Tom Wilson's behavior because they removed goons from the game

It's kind of, in a weird way, the NHL's fault for getting fighting and goons out of hockey because Tom Wilson is kind of the apex predator now. Like, if there were still goons, a goon would fuck Tom Wilson up, and it would be taken care of, and he wouldn't be doing this shit. He's a hybrid goon... he knows there's no real repercussions.

NHL players should be suspended for the same duration that the player they injured is sidelined

It does feel like an easy way to fix this in hockey is just you're suspended for as long as a guy's injured. Like, that's so easy.

The character of Kevin Malone from 'The Office' is a secret genius savant

The basis for this... is that Kevin Malone is a secret genius. He's a gambler... he's an idiot savant. There's a written story that was shot [where] Kevin Malone goes into bars, everybody wants to buy him a drink... he has accumulated such a credit at that bar that he uses that as leverage to own the bar. That is through written story that was shot.

The Packers will win the Super Bowl this year

I'm worried, I think the Packers are actually going to win the Super Bowl this year... I'm saying that they have looked the best team in the NFL this year.

Steve Carell is the greatest improviser in the history of entertainment

Steve Carell, I believe, is the greatest improviser maybe in the history of entertainment. Anytime he improvises, it's always on topic. It's always super smart, in character, to the point... never veers in a weird direction.