PMT DB
PMT DB
Brian Baumgartner on The Office, Bill Gates’ Divorce, and LeBron’s Ankles
True love is officially dead. The news of Bill and Melinda Gates splitting up sent shockwaves through the studio, mostly because Big Cat and PFT were immediately worried about who gets custody of the Windows 95 launch energy. While the rest of the world wonders how you divide 130 billion dollars, Big Cat is busy worrying about the bachelor party logistics involving a very high-energy Steve Ballmer.
Big CatSteve Ballmer is definitely the guy at a bachelor party who over-plans every single detail
Steve Ballmer is definitely the dude on a bachelor party who overplans every detail. It's like, alright, we're going to go fucking play some golf... 8 a.m. We're going to go to a nice, awesome lunch spot that I found. Then I rented a boat. Then we got a dinner. It's like, dude, we just want to fucking get drunk. Stop planning everything.
The conversation shifted from billionaire breakups to on-ice violence after Tom Wilson decided to go full gladiator against the Rangers. Hockey Twitter is in a civil war, with half the world calling for an arrest warrant and the other half calling it a Tuesday. Big Cat thinks the league actually created this monster by cleaning up the game too much.
Big CatThe NHL is partially responsible for Tom Wilson's behavior because they removed goons from the game
It's kind of, in a weird way, the NHL's fault for getting fighting and goons out of hockey because Tom Wilson is kind of the apex predator now. Like, if there were still goons, a goon would fuck Tom Wilson up, and it would be taken care of, and he wouldn't be doing this shit. He's a hybrid goon... he knows there's no real repercussions.
Speaking of fixing the NHL, the solution seems simple: if you put a guy in the hospital, you should probably stay on the couch until he’s out.
Big CatNHL players should be suspended for the same duration that the player they injured is sidelined
It does feel like an easy way to fix this in hockey is just you're suspended for as long as a guy's injured. Like, that's so easy.
LeBron’s Narrative and Aaron Rodgers' Drama
LeBron James is back from his ankle injury, but he’s already making sure everyone knows he’s doing it at about 12% health. It is vintage LeBron, setting the stage so that if they win, he’s a hero, and if they lose, he’s a medical marvel for even walking. Big Cat is calling it now: the underdog story is being written in real-time.
Big CatLeBron James is laying the groundwork for the greatest underdog story ever with his injury excuses
LeBron James is laying the groundwork for one of the greatest underdog stories of all time... LeBron James came back from his ankle injury. Bron James said, on his first game back... getting back to 100% is impossible. I don't think I'll ever be back to 100% in my career. Poor little LeBron James is just out there.
Meanwhile, the Aaron Rodgers saga in Green Bay continues to get weirder. Terry Bradshaw decided to weigh in by calling the reigning MVP "dumber than a box of rocks," which is an incredible choice of words coming from Terry.
Big CatTerry Bradshaw calling Aaron Rodgers 'dumber than a box of rocks' is one of the funniest quotes ever
Terry Bradshaw called Aaron Rodgers dumber than a box of rocks, which coming from Terry Bradshaw, that is one of the funniest quotes ever.
Brian Baumgartner Joins the Show
Brian Baumgartner, known to the world as Kevin Malone, joined the show to prove he is a massive sports fan who happens to be an actor. He went deep on why Tiger Woods changed the game for him, noting that Tiger brought a level of intensity that golf had never seen.
Brian BaumgartnerTiger Woods was transcendent because he displayed raw emotion like a football player on a golf course
What was it about [Tiger Woods] that made him so transcendent... Tiger Woods in that when I was watching Tiger Woods or when I watched Tiger Woods, I want him to dominate. He treated being out on the golf course like you see a football player... He was getting pumped up. He would yell at himself... He was just so different and exciting that it got a lot of people into golf.
Of course, we had to talk about The Office. Brian shared some incredible behind-the-scenes looks at the legendary chili spill—apparently, he got it in one take, but the production team only had three pieces of carpet and no backup Brians. He also gave a huge shout-out to Steve Carell’s genius on set.
Brian BaumgartnerSteve Carell is the greatest improviser in the history of entertainment
Steve Carell, I believe, is the greatest improviser maybe in the history of entertainment. Anytime he improvises, it's always on topic. It's always super smart, in character, to the point... never veers in a weird direction.
Brian also shared his theory on human brain capacity. He believes we are all hard-wired to only have room for one specific type of useless data, and for him, that space is occupied entirely by sports.
Brian BaumgartnerThe human brain can only master one of three domains: sports, music, or trivia
A person's brain can only do one of those three things: trivia, music information, or sports information... and music I could almost I can sing tunes of which I get about three words out of 20 correct... but sports that's my interest so like that's that's my distraction and my hobby.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne
Hank took the youth of America to the Hot Seat after New York City announced they are effectively murdering snow days in favor of remote learning. It’s a dark day for kids who just want to day-drink chocolate milk and slide down hills.
HankReplacing snow days with remote learning is a terrible decision for the youth
The New York City public schools will have remote learning instead of snow days next year... that's just terrible. I feel bad for the youth.
PFT put the new White House cat on the Hot Seat, mostly because Major Biden has been known to have a bit of a temper. The prognosis for the feline is not great.
PFT CommenterMajor Biden will likely attack and eat the new White House cat
Major Biden, the dog, the German Shepherd dog, is being socialized back into the White House with the help of a cat, and that cat is fucking dead. Oh, yeah. That dog is going to eat the shit out of that cat.
Finally, Big Cat gave Russell Westbrook his flowers. Despite the haters, Westbrook is putting up numbers that are statistically impossible to ignore, even if he decided to stop playing basketball entirely for the rest of the month.
Big CatRussell Westbrook is so far ahead that he could record zero stats for the rest of the season and still average a triple-double
Russell Westbrook doesn't get enough respect. This is now the fourth season that he will average a triple-double for the entire season. He could record zero points, zero rebounds, and zero assists in all the rest of the games this season, and he would still have a triple-double.
We wrapped things up with some listener FAQs, where Big Cat officially declared that swimming isn't a sport—it's just a way to avoid drowning very efficiently.
Big CatSwimming is not a real sport, it is just a means of staying alive
I'll just say it. Swimming is not a real sport... It's a really good hobby. If you do it really fast, I'm not saying Michael Phelps isn't impressive. I'm saying swimming is not a sport... It's just a means of staying alive that you can be more efficient at.
If you want the 24-hour stream to happen, you better get to subscribing on YouTube, because Big Cat is betting his life you won't do it.
