Tom Brady will sign a one-day contract to retire as a New England Patriot

He is going to New England. He is signing a one-day Patriot contract. There is going to be a ceremony.

Tom Brady's retirement is a '3D chess' move to eventually return to the Patriots

Tom Brady unretires, comes back, plays for the Patriots, and that's why he's not thanking the Patriots yet... This is 3D chess. He's using this to go back to the Patriots because the Buccaneers, he doesn't think, can take him to another Super Bowl. But the Patriots could.

No starting quarterback will ever touch Tom Brady's record of seven Super Bowl wins

Seven Super Bowls will not — I'm going to safely — I really do not think that will be touched by a starting quarterback.

Miami of Ohio 100% deserves to be in the NCAA Tournament despite their first-round loss

I think a hundred percent they should be in. We need to just focus on the fact that there, I believe 31 and one and not do anything about strength of schedule. If you're able to go an entire season without losing a game that's hard to just wake up every day and not stumble once. I wanna see what happens when they play their first quad win one game in the middle of March.

Conference tournaments are bad for top teams because they don't improve your seeding and lead to unnecessary fatigue

I'm kind of done with the conference tournaments. Like they just fuck you. It doesn't make your seed better and you end up being more tired today. If you have to play four games, you're just gonna get screwed.

Kyler Murray will be the next Sam Darnold now that he's with the Vikings

Kyler Murray is a Viking. We all kind of expected it. It happened. He's going to be the next Sam Darnold. The NFC North now has three number one picks at quarterback with Kyler Murray, Caleb Williams, Jared Goff. Kind of cool.