Jeb Bush doesn't know how to use a keyboard because he's a low energy guy

Jeb Bush has not tweeted at me. Um, that's probably cause he's just such a low energy guy. He can't figure out how to use a keyboard.

Fat is coming back as a trend and Brooklyn will lead the way

Fat is coming back. And good news for you. The first place that it's going to come back, place at the forefront of all these trends, is Brooklyn. You know, like back in the day, if you were fat, it meant that you were well fed and that you could take care of yourself.

Witches are more real than the ghosts in scary movies

Witches. Big time fear... They're more real than [Hank's] scary movies.

The Olympic athletes freezing their sperm due to Zika aren't getting any action anyway

People are blowing [Zika] way out of proportion. I mean, the guys that are freezing their sperm are definitely not getting any action, you know?

No one on the West Coast cares about lacrosse

No one on the West Coast is lacrosse. Play lacrosse, that's about it... They're never going to.

No one on the Patriots actually has Tom Brady's phone number

I've strictly asked that question multiple times, and he [Nate Ebner] said no one on the Patriots has Brady's number, but if you want to get a hold of him, you contact his massage therapist.