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Loss
HankHank

I need to get into a car accident that totals my car so I have an excuse to buy a new one

I need to get in an accident that totals this car so that I have no choice but to get a new car. I want to get a sick car. That way I don't even have a choice.

Hot TakeLifeHotSarcastic
Hank did not total his car in a planned accident shortly after this.

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Loss
Mar 13, 2026
#29900
Big CatBig Cat

Miami of Ohio 100% deserves to be in the NCAA Tournament despite their first-round loss

I think a hundred percent they should be in. We need to just focus on the fact that there, I believe 31 and one and not do anything about strength of schedule. If you're able to go an entire season without losing a game that's hard to just wake up every day and not stumble once. I wanna see what happens when they play their first quad win one game in the middle of March.

This is part of the satirical 'Future' bit; Miami of Ohio was not 31-1 in 2026 (or 2024).
Open
Mar 13, 2026
#29901
MaxMax

Villanova is 100% in the tournament and has a 0% chance of reaching the Sweet 16

Nova's just gonna be the team. They're gonna get in and then everyone's gonna be like, oh yeah, this team's losing first round. Yes, they'll probably drop a drop to the 8-9 [seed], which sucks because then there's a 0% chance that Villanova gets to the Sweet 16.

The tournament field had not been announced at the time of the take.
Loss
Mar 13, 2026
#29902
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Ravens failed Max Crosby's physical intentionally to pivot to Trey Hendrickson

It's almost like they had it ready to go. They pivot to Trey Hendrickson. It feels like they had, by the letter of the law, they had the ability to fail [Crosby] for the physical because he's not ready to play. Technically the Ravens didn't break any rules, they just used it to get someone better that just came available.

This is a satirical bit; Crosby and Hendrickson did not have these transactions in real life.

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Void
HankHank

I am rooting for the Dominican Republic over Team USA in the WBC because they are more electric

The Dominican team is electric and I like to be entertained when I'm watching sports. This tournament's for entertainment. I want to watch more games with the Dominican Republic team. I want more. I'm rooting for the USA correctly, but I respect the hell out of the Dominican team.

This is a subjective rooting interest.
Push
HankHank

Shohei Ohtani was just playing against electricians in the World Baseball Classic

If you're talking about Shohei, you can literally say he was just playing against electricians. He got shut out by an electrician.

While technically true that some players on smaller nations' teams had day jobs (like the Czech electrician), it is an absurd reduction of the tournament's overall talent level.
Void
HankHank

I am against prenups because marriage should be forever

I'm against prenups. Because if you're getting married, you're never—you're getting married to be together forever. If you really love someone, the money shouldn't matter.

This is a personal philosophical stance.

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