San Diego is 'fake life' and not real life

San Diego is fake life. It's not real life. There's nothing real about San Diego. There are no fat people. I'm pretty sure no one has a job except if you're in the Navy. It's beautiful every single day. Everyone's just relaxed and like cool. There's no edge.

The Chargers should leave San Diego because fans living in paradise don't deserve a team

Just don't – I don't ever want to hear any San Diego fan ever tell me, like, we had a bad loss or boo-hoo, the Chargers are moving. You live in paradise. You don't deserve other things. You have the paradise to live with... I want you to lose the Chargers now.

The best way to get over a hangover is to drink more

My advice, as always, is Pedialyte. Pedialyte tends to work. But most importantly, my advice is to drink a Bloody Mary and then, like, seven beers afterwards. That's what I did this morning. It worked well.

The Hall of Fame needs to go back to the old 80% up-or-down voting system for each finalist

They should have forced the voters to say yes or no on Bill Belichick. And they need to go back to what's the easiest fix here. Go back to the system where the finalists each have an 80% up or down, yes or no vote like it used to be. It's fundamentally unfair.

17 NFL teams will be playing in domes within the next 10 years

Seventeen teams are gonna be playing in domes within the next 10 years. The way things are currently going, the Chiefs are moving into a dome.

The Browns will be looking for another coach within two or three years

I'm fairly confident they'll be looking for another coach within two or three years.