The Capitals will win the Stanley Cup in five games

This series is fucking over. Done. Done. Over, finished, no chance. They're not even going to get a single more game. It's going to be 4-1. Caps in 5.

If Alex Ovechkin wins the Stanley Cup, he might be the GOAT

If [Ovechkin] gets the Stanley Cup, which would be his third Stanley Cup in this playoffs, you've got to say, is he the GOAT? He might be. GOAT Vetchkin? It's either him or Gretzky.

The Capitals will suffer the biggest championship hangover ever and miss the playoffs next year if they win the Cup

If Ovechkin wins the Stanley Cup, I am predicting the biggest championship hangover of all time in — we're not even making the playoffs next year. No, I bet he's going to score five goals next year because he's going to spend the entire summer on a yacht in the Caspian Sea just having hookers and blow just delivered to him by Putin.

Betting the over on Alabama basketball is a cheat code

Alabama by the way is a cheat code if you want to get in on it. It's just betting their overs. They just never stopped missing. This has been like, oh, two weeks now they're over under for the first half was 45 and a half points last night. They scored 69 in the first half.

I am offering a $10,000 bounty to find the UNC staffer who punched a Duke staffer

I will not sleep until we find this UNC staffer who punched one of your guys... Let's put a bounty on it. I will offer $5,000. [PFT]: I'll match. [Big Cat]: $10,000 if anyone can find the UNC person who punched a Duke staffer after the game. $10,000 cash. Give us the footage leading to their arrest.

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?