Ovechkin breaking the goal record from his office against the Islanders was the perfect way to end the chase

It was awesome to see him score from his office against the Islanders... Ovie was like, 'fuck it, I know it's at home [and I don't want an empty netter]'. He did it perfectly. That shot has been happening for 20 years. Nobody's ever figured out how to stop it. He did it from his office.

Alex Ovechkin's mom is terrifying and could definitely beat me up

His mom, I'm terrified of Ovie's mom by the way. I think she could beat the fuck outta me. Probably, yeah.

Duke's loss to Houston was the biggest choke in Final Four history

Duke's downfall for four hours, but like, sign me up. I'll take off my pants right now. 'cause that was, holy fuck. Was that an incredible Final Four delivered... Duke biggest choke in Final Four history. Best team ever analytically... They're the only team to, to have a higher field goal. Percentage more free throw attempts, more assists, fewer turnovers, more steals and lose in the history of the NCAA tournament.

The NFL has a 'pretty boy' coaching problem where everyone looks like Sean McVay

The McVay tree has made offensive football fantastic in the NFL, but it's also made a bunch of pretty boys who all wear the same shade of blue. And thank God Mike McCarthy, Big Mike, is back because we needed someone like that, an old school football guy who forgot to button one of his buttons. But this is what the new NFL is: pretty boys.

Joe Brady looks like the guy in high school who sells you a shitty bag of weed

I said in my blog, Joe Brady looks like a guy who, the first guy in high school who buys a white Jetta and is gonna sell you a shitty bag of weed.

The NFL's 18th game will eventually become an automatic international game

It actually sounds like the 18th game will be automatic international.