It's my constitutional duty to be drunk when attending presidential debates

I feel like it's my constitutional duty to be drunk when I'm attending these things like presidential debates. If I'm interviewing Ben Carson about baby Hitler, if I'm talking to Donald Trump about whether or not he's a Muslim because he doesn't drink, I'm very serious about that.

I'm taking Matt Harvey's man card for getting a bladder infection

Apparently he had a bladder infection, which right off the bat, I'm taking his man card for that because I did not know that guys could get bladder infections. I thought that was only a woman thing. I know that sounds ignorant. But that's kind of what the man cards for is like when you feel scared by your own ignorance, you just got to take the man card.

Matt Harvey's bladder infection story will lead to an uptick in SAT scores

What are the long-term ramifications of a big news story about a major league pitcher that doesn't pee enough? And I thought, well, this upcoming SAT season, you're probably going to see a big uptick in the overall scores on SATs because there are going to be a lot more guys that are going to be like, hey, I have to go pee and then go cheat in the bathroom.

American sports dominance is officially over

Are we as a country washed? because this also is on the heels of shams announcing SGA back to back MVP and I think it's been like nine years, I believe eight years since an American has won the NBA MVP... and Aaron Rai, it's the second European to win a major this year and Europeans are now two and oh in majors for the first time since 1934.

The Steelers will be stuck with a 7-10 win ceiling with Aaron Rodgers

Aaron Rodgers is back. I feel bad for Steelers fans... he's not the same quarterback... the Steelers just put a finite floor and ceiling on their season. Right? And it's somewhere between seven and 10 wins. That's what we're thinking.

The Chicago White Sox are no longer a joke and could win the AL Central

White Sox are good. They're actually like, this is finally like, it's kind of, they're not a joke. They've got some sluggers. Big time dude... I don't know what the price is for them winning the AL Central, but they, they, they are not a bad team.