It's my constitutional duty to be drunk when attending presidential debates

I feel like it's my constitutional duty to be drunk when I'm attending these things like presidential debates. If I'm interviewing Ben Carson about baby Hitler, if I'm talking to Donald Trump about whether or not he's a Muslim because he doesn't drink, I'm very serious about that.

I'm taking Matt Harvey's man card for getting a bladder infection

Apparently he had a bladder infection, which right off the bat, I'm taking his man card for that because I did not know that guys could get bladder infections. I thought that was only a woman thing. I know that sounds ignorant. But that's kind of what the man cards for is like when you feel scared by your own ignorance, you just got to take the man card.

Matt Harvey's bladder infection story will lead to an uptick in SAT scores

What are the long-term ramifications of a big news story about a major league pitcher that doesn't pee enough? And I thought, well, this upcoming SAT season, you're probably going to see a big uptick in the overall scores on SATs because there are going to be a lot more guys that are going to be like, hey, I have to go pee and then go cheat in the bathroom.

The Lions will win the NFC North

I think they're gonna be really good. Are the Lions on Crosby watch? ... I think them and maybe the Cowboys might be on Crosby watch. ... I think they probably will win the NFC North.

The Bears could have a top-five offense even if they miss the playoffs

There's a world where the Bears don't make the playoffs, but they're a top-five offense. And our defense is so bad that I can almost—I would be very upset, but I could deal with it.

The Jaguars could win the AFC South

I think the Jaguars are not getting any respect or talked about a lot. I think they're gonna be really good this year. They could win the South. I think Trevor Lawrence is gonna keep going forward.