Blake Bortles is a lock to be the Jaguars' starter next year

So I guess Blake is, I guess, a minute as a starter next year. Yeah. So Kirk Cousins, one less spot.

The New Zealand Breakers should draft Josh Allen with their first pick

With our first pick, we're drafting Josh Allen. I don't think we're allowed to do that... We've offered Josh Allen a spot on the roster. Yes, we're going to do a lot of stuff even though I don't think we're allowed to do that either.

Curling will not become a mainstream popular sport in America

I'm not going to hate on curling. But don't fucking tell me curling is going to be big... don't start doing the Darren Revell and telling me that esports are going to take over the world and our kids are going to be playing curling soon... it's shuffleboard that we play when we're drunk at a bar.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.