The Jets are very much for real

The Jets get their statement win... if they can win one or even two of these three games against the Patriots, Bills, Patriots, they would have to be considered very much for real. I'm ready to consider them very much for real. Their defense is really, really fucking good.

The Vikings are the worst 7-1 team of all time

I think [the Vikings] might be the worst seven and one team of all time... we know that the Vikings are a good team, we know they're fine, but like Kirk Cousins, it's gonna be very difficult for us to ever fully buy in.

I will get Kirk Cousins' face tattooed on my ass if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna get Kirk Cousins' face tattoo on my ass if they win the Super Bowl... I will do the, I was wrong tattoo. If they get to the Super Bowl... I'll also convert to whatever denomination of Christianity Kirk Cousins is.

The Lions will win the NFC North

I think they're gonna be really good. Are the Lions on Crosby watch? ... I think them and maybe the Cowboys might be on Crosby watch. ... I think they probably will win the NFC North.

The Bears could have a top-five offense even if they miss the playoffs

There's a world where the Bears don't make the playoffs, but they're a top-five offense. And our defense is so bad that I can almost—I would be very upset, but I could deal with it.

The Jaguars could win the AFC South

I think the Jaguars are not getting any respect or talked about a lot. I think they're gonna be really good this year. They could win the South. I think Trevor Lawrence is gonna keep going forward.