The Washington Nationals are a team of destiny

I think the Washington Nationals are a team of destiny. I really do. Tonight was a big game, 5-4. To steal one in Houston with Gerrit Cole on the mound... that's got to feel good. They're a team of destiny and the Astros are like America's villain.

Game 2 might be the last game in Houston for the 2019 World Series

Do you know what we can say now [PFT] now that the Nationals won game one? Tomorrow night might be the last game in Houston. Is it Gerrit Cole's last game, last night in Houston? A lot of people are saying Garrett Kershaw. I'm not saying it, but it was trending.

Hallucinating and 'seeing ghosts' is a perfectly valid excuse for a quarterback's poor performance

I think it's actually good for Sam Darnold because the only explanation for being that bad is you were hallucinating. If the field was haunted, then that's a perfectly good reason to throw four interceptions in trouble.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.