The Washington Nationals are a team of destiny

I think the Washington Nationals are a team of destiny. I really do. Tonight was a big game, 5-4. To steal one in Houston with Gerrit Cole on the mound... that's got to feel good. They're a team of destiny and the Astros are like America's villain.

If you are an assistant general manager, your name should never be making headlines for anything

I'm just gonna throw this out there. If you're an assistant general manager, your name should never be making headlines for anything—truth, good or bad. You don't do anything except scout and do your little fucking line graphs and work on spin rate. You should be on a spreadsheet in the back office in the worst lighting possible at all times.

Hallucinating and 'seeing ghosts' is a perfectly valid excuse for a quarterback's poor performance

I think it's actually good for Sam Darnold because the only explanation for being that bad is you were hallucinating. If the field was haunted, then that's a perfectly good reason to throw four interceptions in trouble.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.