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Big CatBig Cat

Johnny Manziel needs to get sued or arrested every few months just to let us know he's alive

Johnny Manziel is being sued because apparently he broke some bartender's nose. Good to know Johnny Manziel is still alive. We need him to get sued or arrested every few months to let us know that he's alive.

This is a humorous commentary on celebrity news cycles.

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Win
Nov 30, 2016
#3523
Big CatBig Cat

Tiger Woods fanboys are delusional if they think the old Tiger is coming back

I just can't stand the Tiger fanboys that think old Tiger's coming back. He said it's phase two, which is nice. He leaves out the point that Phase 1 stopped after he became addicted to working out with Navy SEALs, cheated on his wife, crashed into a fire hydrant and hurt his back a million times.

Tiger didn't win another major until 2019 and never returned to his early 2000s level of dominance, though he did have a late-career resurgence.
Void
Nov 30, 2016
#3524
Big CatBig Cat

Al Horford should not have missed a game for the birth of his child because basketball is forever

Al Horford skipped a game to be with his wife who is having a kid. But come on, man. They could have lost. It's a kid. Kids come and go. Basketball is forever.

This is a subjective value judgment delivered as satire.
Void
Nov 30, 2016
#26991
Big CatBig Cat

Al Horford should have just blamed his move to Boston instead of his kid for missing a game.

Don't blame it on the kid. Don't blame it on the pregnancy. Just say, hey, guess what, guys? Moving sucks. And everyone will be like, yeah, you know what? You're right.

Subjective comedic take.

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Big CatBig Cat

The 2026 Thanksgiving Day schedule is the best single day of football ever

Wednesday night is the Packers versus the Rams. Then Thursday, Thanksgiving day is Bears, lions, Eagles, Cowboys, chiefs bills. That will be great. Like the day of Thanksgiving? Yeah. That's the best day of football I think maybe ever.

Whether it's the 'best day ever' is a matter of personal opinion and game quality.
Loss
Big CatBig Cat

The Colorado Avalanche will win the Stanley Cup

Congratulations to the Colorado Avalanche on winning the Stanley Cup. I'd like to say congratulations to the [Avs]. Pretty good bet to the [Avs]. Pretty good it's a pretty good bet if you, if you're a betting man, which I am. Congrats to the [Avs].

The Avalanche were eliminated in the second round by the Stars in 2026.
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Big CatBig Cat

Pittsburgh fleeced Boston in the gorilla trade

I think Boston got fleeced. Frankie got traded, 7-year-old. Frankie got traded to the Boston Zoo. He's going to just be chilling with a bunch of other dudes. Little Joe got traded to Pittsburgh because he's going to be mating and making new gorilla. Pittsburgh's the one that's gonna be making more gorillas. You guys are do everything all wrong. They're, they're making a gorilla factory in Pittsburgh.

Evaluating zoo conservation efforts through the lens of a sports trade is inherently comedic and subjective.