The US government should issue medals to everyone staying inside for quarantine

They should mail us medals for staying inside because we are saving lives. Great generation. This is our D-Day. They should just ship us as you create a new type of life-saving medal from the US government and send us like one every week so we can pin them to our shirts walk around feel good about it.

Owning a tiger is a drug no different than smoking crack

I actually think that being around these animals is a drug... you get addicted to the rush of these awesome animals that kill you, but you don't think they can kill you because they grow up around you. Having a tiger in my opinion is no different than smoking crack for the first time. It's cool, I'm sure it feels great.

Kevin Federline is the American dream

Kevin Federline [is] the American dream. Everything about Kevin Federline is something you should strive to do. You get married to a superstar in her field, you get a shitload of money, you wear jeans suits all the time, have three do-rags and a hat on at all times, and then you just live off the teat of being like a guest appearance on a reality show twice a year for the next 50 years.

The Cavaliers-Knicks series is over after Game 1

Series over, you can't lose that game if you're the Cavs. When it went into overtime, we said the Cavs have to win this. This is must win. You can't give this up. All time choke.

The Knicks are going to the NBA Finals

Memes, Zac, congratulations. Game one. I'm gonna say it. You guys are in the NBA finals. Congrats. I'm not even trolling.

Victor Wembanyama is the best watch in the NBA right now

[Wembanyama] is the best watch in the NBA right now. It's not even close... just his entire performance leaving it like, he was so gassed that three that looked like we were talking about it, it looked like it was almost like there was a whistle beforehand because it was like in slow motion. It was just incredible.