I would have had a perfect bracket this year if I had filled one out

Last night, I got a little high, and I did some thinking, and I think with everything I know now, I would have had a perfect bracket if I had filled out a bracket. ... I just pick the four hottest teams in basketball. Put them in the Final Four. ... I did it.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I am officially, without any sarcasm whatsoever... I think it is the Caps year... This is the Caps year.

The Los Angeles Rams are going to suck and miss the playoffs despite their talent

I think the Rams are going to suck. They have too much talent... They're a surefire lock to win the NFC West, possibly go to the Super Bowl. They're going to miss the playoffs.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.