It only counts as Opening Day if you can skip work and get drunk during the day

I only count it as opening day if you can skip work and get drunk during the day and watch baseball. Otherwise, like a Sunday night, I could do that any other week of the year.

Opening Day should always be on a Monday so everyone can skip work and get drunk together.

You have to have opening day be like a Monday. Everyone can skip work, get drunk. There's a lot of games together. Shout out to Johnny Bench. He was absolutely right. I hate what they've done [with Sunday night games].

Fireball is an acceptable ballpark drink until September 1st

I like to do airplane minis, like the mini bottles of Fireball... It's kind of like you don't wear white after Labor Day. You don't want to be drinking Fireball after like September 1st. After September 1st, you want to lose the flavored whiskey and get like some Jack Daniels or something because it's about a playoff push. So you got to focus. None of this sugary crap.

Travis Hunter Should Win the Heisman

We should probably bet Travis Hunter for Heisman, because he almost flipped this game himself.

The Browns' Plan Is to Drown You Late

Their game plan is thus: drag you into deep water and then have Deshaun Watson in the fourth quarter drown you. That's what they do.

The Colts Need to Blow Everything Up

If you're a Colts fan, you have to demand for everything to change. You can't be like, it's because of Daniel Jones' Achilles. You've gotta just blow the whole thing up. It's like none of it works.