I wanted the Patriots to win another Super Bowl now because Tom Brady's window is closing

I would say the Patriots just because Brady's window is closing. So the more he can get in before he retires, the better.

The Bitcoin exchange CEO who reportedly died with the passwords is not actually dead

There's no way he's dead, right? There hasn't been a good fake death in a while... He is living it high with, he's probably fucking whales with John McAfee in wherever the hell they are.

Brad Calipari's presence on the sideline is a psychological advantage for Kentucky

I truly do think [Brad Calipari] is a plus for Kentucky... when you show up and you have to play Kentucky, you're already in an uphill battle because they're a good team. And then you see this guy just mean mugging you with his half black half blue jean jacket... it just adds to the whole mystique of Kentucky basketball.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.