Cleveland is a downgrade for anyone living in Milwaukee

You can't just take a downgrade to Cleveland like that [from Milwaukee]. You've got to know if you're in Milwaukee, that's a city of champions.

The Cleveland Indians won't win the World Series this year

The Indians, they're not going to win the World Series this year.

If you do anything in life, be completely average at it to avoid public scrutiny

The moral of your story right there is if you do anything in life, just make sure you're completely average at it. Because the minute you draw attention to yourself one way or the other, that's when people start saying your nickname happens to be a little racist.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.