PMT DB
PMT DB
Uncle Chaps on Marines, Jaguars, and the Mount Rushmore of Gingers
The MLB trade deadline is officially here, and Big Cat and PFT Commenter are locked in as self-proclaimed trade deadline hawks. While the Cubs and Indians are busy making moves to go for it, Jonathan Lucroy decided he’d rather stay in Milwaukee than accept a trade to Cleveland. It's a bold move, but the guys understand the desire to avoid the mistake of leaving a championship city for a downgrade.
PFT CommenterCleveland is a downgrade for anyone living in Milwaukee
You can't just take a downgrade to Cleveland like that [from Milwaukee]. You've got to know if you're in Milwaukee, that's a city of champions.
With the Indians adding Andrew Miller and clearly entering a win-now window, Big Cat is already bracing for the inevitable wave of media scrutiny regarding the team's nickname and logo that follows any period of sustained success.
Big CatThe Cleveland Indians' name and logo will face massive media scrutiny now that the team is successful and in the spotlight
I have a prediction, though, because the [Indians] are now officially going for it with the Andrew Miller trade. We're going to get a lot of think pieces about the Indians logo. It's going to happen. The Indians are about to get [redskinned].
Mount Rushmore of Favors
Moving day is upon us for Big Cat, which naturally led to a Mount Rushmore of the most annoying favors someone can ask of you. Hank led the way with the request to use someone's phone charger, leading to a debate about the exact battery percentage required before you're obligated to share. Big Cat, ever the realist, admitted he has a very high threshold for his own power levels before helping others.
Big CatI will not let a friend use my phone charger unless my own battery is at least 70%
I'm a hog. I'm a charge hog. I'm kind of an asshole. [I have to be at] 70% [to let someone else use it].
They also covered the absolute dread of being asked to use professional connections for social media clout or being dragged into the world of amateur sports broadcasting. PFT Commenter was particularly passionate about how some invitations are actually thinly veiled insults to your time and professional dignity.
PFT CommenterAsking someone to come on your sports podcast is a huge dick move
Can you come on my podcast? So that's a huge – I hate it. I hate when people try to get you to go on, like, your sports podcast and, like, try to joke around with them. Big time dick move if anybody out there does that.
The Arrival of Uncle Chaps
Barstool's newest hire, Uncle Chaps, joined the show to discuss his background as a Marine and a lifelong fan of some truly tragic sports franchises. Chaps shared the harrowing but fascinating story of his "Alive Day," the anniversary of the day he was shot while serving in Iraq. While the story is intense, Chaps has a unique way of describing the sensation of combat injuries through a sporting lens.
Uncle ChapsGetting shot in the arm feels like being hit by a golf ball at close range
It doesn't feel hot at all. It feels like you're standing in a tee box and somebody just lines up a golf ball and smokes, checks the shit out of you with the golf ball.
Beyond his military service, Chaps is a die-hard Jaguars fan, though he admits that watching the 2011 season under Mike Mularkey might have been more painful than his actual combat wounds. He remains irrationally optimistic about the current squad, even if he's honest about the intellectual capacity of his fellow fans.
Uncle ChapsMississippi State has the lowest IQ fan base in sports
No disrespect to my wife who's a Mississippi State graduate. I would say probably lowest IQ... I would say definitely Mississippi State.
To welcome the first ginger to the Barstool roster, the guys engaged in a special Mount Rushmore of Gingers. The list ranged from Rugrats characters and fast-food mascots to the commissioner of the NFL.
Segments and Takes
In PR 101, the guys broke down Draymond Green's recent Snapchat mishap. Draymond tried the classic "I was hacked" defense before pivoting to a weird philosophical stance about how the incident would help him grow as a man and a basketball player. Big Cat thinks that if you're going to commit to the hack, you have to go all the way into the abyss to make it believable.
Big CatIf you claim you were hacked after a scandal, you must lean into it with more fake hacks
If you are going to go the hacked route, you have to go farther down the rabbit hole of hacked. So you accidentally snap a picture of your penis, then you accidentally snap a picture of a swastika, then you accidentally snap a picture of like you throwing a rock at a pigeon and then you're like shit I got hacked.
An Olympic update from Rio brought news of thieves using vomit as a tactical distraction and Aussie athletes getting robbed during a fire drill. This reinforced Big Cat's long-standing rule about hotel safety protocols: never leave your room for a fire alarm unless you can actually see the flames.
Big CatIf a fire alarm goes off in a hotel, you don't have to leave unless you actually smell smoke or see someone on fire
Either way, if a fire alarm goes off in a hotel, you don't have to leave. That's like a rule. Everyone knows that... Until people start running or you smell smoke, you don't have to go anywhere until I see somebody on fire.
Finally, the show touched on Mike Greenberg’s potential dumb rules for the PGA Championship, suggestions for improved sports voices, and a deep sleeper for fantasy football season.
Big CatBears rookie Daniel Braverman is a deep sleeper fantasy target
Benny Fowler, Daniel Braverman. By the way, he's going to be our new favorite. He's a Bear. And his name is literally he's braver than every other man. [Braverman] and Devontae Adams. All have been catching everything at camp. Catching everything.
If you're looking for a sleeper pick to annoy your entire league with, Daniel Braverman is the hero you've been waiting for.
