I will knock out Tex in the second round

Second round knockout. Woo! Boy. Actually, I'm 100% on board with that... I'm going to knock his ass out. Double sit-em. And my sleeper is the left-handed uppercut. Watch out for that in the second round when I fucking knock Tex's ass out.

The Patriots will beat the Steelers in Week 15

Everyone's talking about the Patriots-Steelers game. And I'm saying, hmm, the Steelers, like, everyone's healthy. Le'Veon Bell's healthy. They could probably beat the Patriots. Don't overthink it. Patriots are probably going to win.

Aaron Rodgers will beat the Panthers in his return from injury

Packers-Panthers. Aaron Rodgers back. Everyone's saying, well, he's rusty. I'm not overthinking it. Aaron Rodgers is going to win this game.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.