France winning the World Cup avenged the 'curse of Zidane'

They avenge the curse of Zidane. The curse that I just invented right now has been put away in the closet, never to be mentioned again.

The World Cup is the best tournament to win because you're the champion for four years

The World Cup is the best tournament to win because you get to be champion for four years. That's pretty fucking sweet.

Harry Kane's Golden Boot was unimpressive due to the quality of his goals

Harry Kane spits when he talks, scored like half his goals from PKs and kicking it in from two feet out. He won the golden boot.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.