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Big CatBig Cat

Tiger Woods switched to Bridgestone golf balls so he can blame the equipment for his poor play

I like the choice by Tiger because you go off brand, you can always blame the balls... I thought these balls had the spin and distance and torque that I needed for my game. I was wrong. That's why I broke my back again and it had nothing to do with the steroids.

Satirical analysis of a brand deal, impossible to prove intent.

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Loss
Dec 16, 2016
#8429
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NCAA is struggling so much that they cannot even afford to pay their labor costs

If you paid attention last week, they announced that I think four bowl games this year didn't have a sponsor. So thoughts and prayers to the NCAA. I don't know how they're going to make any money with all their labor costs being what they are.

The NCAA famously does not pay players directly (at this time in 2016), making the 'labor costs' claim literally false but satirically sharp.
Win
Dec 16, 2016·Picks
#8430
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Everyone should bet the over on the 2016 Boca Raton Bowl

Also, let's all bet the over for fun. Just together... Yeah, we're going to hammer the over. Hammer it. Big time.

The 2016 Boca Raton Bowl (Western Kentucky vs Memphis) ended 51-31, a total of 82 points, easily clearing any over/under line in the 70s.
Void
Dec 16, 2016
#8431
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James is taking money out of kids' pockets by resting for games

It's honestly a little bit disgusting on LeBron's part to take a day off... He's taking money out of kids' pockets. He is.

Subjective opinion on the ethics of 'load management' in the NBA.

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Big CatBig Cat

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

While funny, avian intelligence is usually measured by tool use (crows) or problem-solving, though urban adaptation is a form of intelligence.
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Big CatBig Cat

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

This is a hypothetical claim about a retired player's current ability, which is fundamentally subjective.
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Big CatBig Cat

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.

Inherently subjective and hyperbolic comparison.