Learn to do everything left-handed when you are eight years old

I would say learn to do everything left-handed. Tie your right hand behind your back for a while [when you're eight].

Cursive is an overrated and useless skill

Cursive is overrated. All of our eight-year-old listeners, cursive is [fucking]... You'll never need it again.

I was 6'4" and dunking in a basketball game by the 8th grade

I was 6'4 in eighth grade. I dunked in a basketball game in eighth grade. You're Magic Johnson. You're playing all five positions. I was like, dude, this is the greatest thing ever. I'm going to the league.

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.