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Loss
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Ben Simmons should quit because he clearly doesn't like playing basketball

I think at this point, Ben Simmons should just quit playing basketball. I think he should quit. I think he just doesn't like it. I think it's pretty obvious that he doesn't like playing basketball... he's built to be a basketball player... but at some point, if you don't actually like playing it, yeah. That's almost a curse.

Simmons did not quit; he eventually requested a trade and continued playing for the Nets (after a long hiatus).

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Win
Oct 20, 2021
#14485
HankHank

The Bucks are a lock to win on NBA opening night

Also the Bucks... what if the Bucks are maybe the biggest lock tonight? The rosters coming allly back. You saw that video with Giannis with the jump shot. This is like the greatest basketball player of all time.

The Bucks beat the Nets 127-104 on October 19, 2021.
Loss
Oct 20, 2021
#14488
Big CatBig Cat

The Bills will finish as the 1-seed in the AFC despite the Titans loss

The bills will be fine. They have, I think the second easiest or easiest schedule for the rest of the year. So they'll, I still think they'll probably end up with the one seed because they, I mean, even their next three games, the bills play the dolphins, the Jaguars, the jets.

The Bills finished 11-6 and were the 3-seed. The Titans actually took the 1-seed.
Loss
Big CatBig Cat

Texas is actually getting better every week even though they keep losing

I actually think that Texas is getting better every week... I do think that Texas, the more they lose, the better they get.

Texas finished the 2021 season 5-7, including a 6-game losing streak, so they objectively did not get better as the season progressed.

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Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.