JJ Watt will get a DUI within six months if he keeps up his current public persona

He either comes on Pardon My Take and doesn't interview anybody and is actually real for a little bit... or two, he keeps up the facade, and then six months later, he gets a DUI, and then it's all just completely busted. ... If you keep this up, and then you get a DUI, guess what? You're screwed.

Any future heroic act by JJ Watt will be a staged PR stunt

I wouldn't rule out J.J. Watt staging, saving some child from a burning building or something. If you hear a story in the next month that J.J. Watt ran into a burning warehouse and there were children and kittens and puppies and he saved them all, just be on the lookout for that. ... I want to be a pre-truther to anything heroic that J.J. Watt does in the next six months.

Jon Jones' claim of marijuana addiction is a PR move because it's not a real addiction

Jon Bones Jones today came out and said like, yeah, I used to smoke a lot of weed and now I don't anymore. And so now I'm back on the straight and narrow. ... That's just not really an addiction. They're not going to be mad at you. Like that's just... just not really an addiction.

JMU may not win again until the dog-poop bettor returns

JMU probably won't win another football game until that guy logs back on.

The Wizards are a one-through-eight seed team

I feel confident in my one through eight seed. Love that for the Wiz.

The Falcons can expose the 49ers defense

They might not actually be as good as we think they are on defense. I don't hate the Falcons at all in this game.