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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Dan Snyder will offer Chip Kelly $50 million to coach the Redskins.

I'm not worried anymore about Jim Harbaugh corrupted by Dan Snyder because Snyder's definitely going to throw like 50 million dollars at Chip Kelly. That's a fact. That's how all this ends.

Snyder hired Ron Rivera in 2020. Chip Kelly remained at UCLA.

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Win
Sep 23, 2019
#10020
Big CatBig Cat

Freddie Kitchens is a dummy whose bad play-calling cost the Browns a winnable game.

Freddie Kitchens, you're a dummy. Wow. Yeah, you're a dummy. That was weird. dum-dum. That was one of the most... it was very bad play calling forth and nine.

Kitchens was widely criticized for this play call and was fired at the end of the season after a disappointing 6-10 finish.
Win
Sep 23, 2019
#20932
Big CatBig Cat

I don't trust Matt Patricia with a lead or in the fourth quarter.

Matt Patricia twice now late game situations get super conservative and does the old like I'm trying not to lose not trying to win. He did it with the Cardinals game and it felt like the same thing this one. I don't trust him with a lead. I don't trust him in the fourth quarter.

The Lions finished 3-12-1 in 2019, collapsing after this start. Patricia was eventually fired in 2020 after consistently failing to maintain leads.
Win
Sep 23, 2019
#10016
Big CatBig Cat

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Falcons win the Super Bowl this year.

The Atlanta Falcons are done. The Atlanta Falcons are finished. If the Atlanta Falcons win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off the tip of my pinky from the nail up.

The Falcons finished the 2019 season 7-9 and did not make the playoffs, let alone win the Super Bowl. Big Cat kept his pinky.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.