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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Dan Wolken thinks sports should not exist until he personally approves of them

[Dan Wolken] thinks it's sports and he doesn't think that sports should ever exist. He thinks that balls, every ball should be deflated in America until such time that Dan Wolken personally approves of it.

This is a satirical characterization of Wolken's caution regarding sports during the pandemic; it cannot be literally verified.

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Win
Jul 28, 2021·Takie Awards
#8582
Big CatBig Cat

Coach K will win 'Retirement of the Year' multiple times because he wants a year-long 'suck my dick' tour

I'm going to say coach K is going to win it this year. And he's going to win next year when he actually does retire because coach K has said that he's going to retire, but he needs everyone to suck his dick for an entire year before he actually retired. He could probably be talked into coming back... then he could have a dynasty of retirement.

Coach K did indeed have a long farewell tour throughout the 2021-22 season and retired after the 2022 Final Four.
Void
Jul 28, 2021
#8583
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The European Super League would have been sick and a great idea

I honestly kind of missed the idea of the super league. I, again, it's bad. We understand football's a sport. Everything else is a business, but super league would have been sick and low key. Imagine Man City against Barcelona on a Wednesday, like twice a year on a Wednesday that you would have. That's just a great idea. Great idea.

The Super League collapsed within days of its announcement in April 2021. This is a subjective opinion on its potential quality.
Push
Jul 28, 2021
#8584
Big CatBig Cat

I have successfully beaten 'Old Takes Exposed' by blurring the lines of my seriousness

I think I've beaten old takes exposed. We've blurred the line enough where it's like, I don't know if this I'm going to get roasted for an old takes. If I try to old takes Big Cat on them. Right. He's, he, every single time, it's just like, oh, that's just Big Cat making a joke or trying to jinx one of his bets.

Big Cat is frequently featured on Old Takes Exposed, but his 'jinx' defense is a common recurring bit on the show.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The schedule release is a highly watched media event, though many analysts share the sentiment that it is overblown.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

This is a procedural suggestion that has not been implemented by the league.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.

This is a hypothetical scheduling proposal to solve the issue of horses skipping the second jewel of the Triple Crown.