PMT DB
PMT DB
The 2021 Takie Awards: Blake Bortles Wins BOTY & Coach K’s Dynasty
The most magical night in show business is finally upon us. Big Cat and PFT are suited up for the 2021 Takies, and the energy is electric as they prepare to hand out 23 awards that actually matter, unlike the ESPYs. From Hacker of the Year to the prestigious Blake of the Year, the guys leave no stone unturned in a year that gave us everything from Tom Brennaman's deep drive to left field to Billy Football's legendary load management.
The Winners and Losers
One of the biggest storylines of the night was the retirement of Coach K. Big Cat didn't hold back on the Blue Devils legend, pointing out that his retirement seems more like a year-long ego stroke than a departure from the game.
Big CatCoach K will win 'Retirement of the Year' multiple times because he wants a year-long 'suck my dick' tour
I'm going to say coach K is going to win it this year. And he's going to win next year when he actually does retire because coach K has said that he's going to retire, but he needs everyone to suck his dick for an entire year before he actually retired. He could probably be talked into coming back... then he could have a dynasty of retirement.
PFT handled the League of the Year honors, where the Super League had a massive 48-hour run before collapsing under the weight of its own hubris. Despite the failure, PFT still sees the vision for a midweek Manchester City vs. Barcelona clash.
PFT CommenterThe European Super League would have been sick and a great idea
I honestly kind of missed the idea of the super league. I, again, it's bad. We understand football's a sport. Everything else is a business, but super league would have been sick and low key. Imagine Man City against Barcelona on a Wednesday, like twice a year on a Wednesday that you would have. That's just a great idea. Great idea.
The Lib of the Year category was stacked as always, with Chris Long and Dan Wolken leading the field. PFT highlighted Wolken's unique perspective on why sports shouldn't be allowed to function without his personal sign-off.
PFT CommenterDan Wolken thinks sports should not exist until he personally approves of them
[Dan Wolken] thinks it's sports and he doesn't think that sports should ever exist. He thinks that balls, every ball should be deflated in America until such time that Dan Wolken personally approves of it.
Monday Reading and Manual Ocho
This year’s Monday Reading of the Year featured a woman whose fiancé gets into weekly fistfights with a Waffle House cook over the runniness of his eggs. While the fiancé's behavior seemed extreme to some, Big Cat defended the man’s honor, arguing that a man needs a rival and a point of principle to truly live.
Big CatHaving a rival or a point of principle to beef over is healthy for an adult
I honestly don't. I think this guy is actually the most well adjusted adult I've ever heard because he seems like a great guy, but having a grudge or a point of principle that you will not let up... It's like a bulldog with a tennis ball in his mouth. Sometimes guys just have to do that... Having something to drive you every single day is healthy.
Big CatWaffle House is the best night, breakfast, and drunk food in the world
Let's not shame people that eat at waffle house because now if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to waffle house on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast and it's drunk food. It's great. Waffle house shrunk waffle house is one of America's finest institutions.
In the Take of the Year category, Manual Ocho’s javelin-based logic on marijuana safety took home a well-deserved nomination, but it was hard to beat the sheer absurdity of the Tom Verducci self-congratulatory Hall of Fame video. Big Cat also took a victory lap for his ability to dodge the 'Old Takes Exposed' account by staying in a constant state of irony.
Big CatI have successfully beaten 'Old Takes Exposed' by blurring the lines of my seriousness
I think I've beaten old takes exposed. We've blurred the line enough where it's like, I don't know if this I'm going to get roasted for an old takes. If I try to old takes Big Cat on them. Right. He's, he, every single time, it's just like, oh, that's just Big Cat making a joke or trying to jinx one of his bets.
The Blake of the Year Lotto
In a historic first, all three Blakes joined the show simultaneously via Zoom to decide the 2021 Blake of the Year. Blake Griffin, the two-time defending champ, was accused of using electronics to win previous phone-based competitions, so the guys switched to a lottery machine to keep things analog.
Griffin leaned into his new reputation as a guy who seeks out the path of least resistance for rings, while Blake Bortles gave a humble update on his new gig in Green Bay.
Blake GriffinI prefer the easy way out when it comes to winning championships
I prefer the easy way out. Kinda my thing. I don't know this, and there's a good parody in the Blake via context... I didn't really accomplish much [this year], but here we are.
Blake BortlesI threw between 3 and 8 touchdowns during Packers OTAs
I also got a new job. Yep. And green bay I threw and give or take four touchdown passes during the OTAs. So have you ever take, three to eight? You pick a number of all right. Somewhere in there under 10.
After a grueling 47 rounds of ping-pong balls spinning and the guys guessing numbers while the machine nearly broke, the original Blake—Blake Bortles—reclaimed his throne. He outlasted Brooks Koepka and a gracious Griffin to win back the title. Bortles even revealed he had upgraded his internet just to win the old version of the game, only for Big Cat and PFT to change the rules at the last second.
Bortles will now serve as the new voice of the show's intro, cementing his status as the premier Blake in the PMT universe.
