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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I am the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now

I've reached this point in my bargaining stage where I think I'm the biggest Carson Wentz super fan in the world right now. I've had some time to think it through logically... Carson Wentz's ceiling is better than any quarterback in that division. Now, all we have to do is to get him to play at his ceiling on an average basis.

Carson Wentz's tenure with the Commanders was widely considered a failure, and he was benched/released after one season.

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Loss
Mar 11, 2022
#23943
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Carson Wentz's ceiling is better than any other quarterback in the NFC East

I'm fully invested in thinking about [Carson Wentz's] ceiling. He's a big ceiling guy. Yes. His ceiling is better than any quarterback in that division [the NFC East] now.

Wentz was benched for Taylor Heinicke later that season and the Commanders finished last in the division. Both Dak Prescott and Jalen Hurts clearly outperformed him in both floor and ceiling.
Loss
Mar 11, 2022
#23944
Big CatBig Cat

Carson Wentz is statistically the best quarterback in Washington franchise history

Carson Wentz in the last 20 years, Carson Wentz is actually the best quarterback the Washington football team franchise will have. So if you do minimum three games, Carson Wentz has 1.63 TDs per game. The second one on that list is Shane Matthews... [Wentz] is blowing the competition out of the water.

Wentz's tenure in Washington was a disaster. He ended the 2022 season with 11 TDs in 8 games (1.37 per game), falling below the mark Big Cat cited and losing his job.
Win
Mar 11, 2022
#12467
Big CatBig Cat

Carson Wentz is the best quarterback in exactly 73-degree weather

The average temperature last September in Washington, DC was 73 degrees. No quarterback has performed better from a yards per attempt standpoint in exactly 73-degree weather than Carson Wentz. Top 50 quarterbacks yards per attempt and exactly 73-degree weather, he is number one, 9.71 yards per attempt.

The stat is likely a factually correct but irrelevant cherry-picked data point provided by a statistical analyst for comedic effect.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.