The Jets are very much for real

The Jets get their statement win... if they can win one or even two of these three games against the Patriots, Bills, Patriots, they would have to be considered very much for real. I'm ready to consider them very much for real. Their defense is really, really fucking good.

The Vikings are the worst 7-1 team of all time

I think [the Vikings] might be the worst seven and one team of all time... we know that the Vikings are a good team, we know they're fine, but like Kirk Cousins, it's gonna be very difficult for us to ever fully buy in.

I will get Kirk Cousins' face tattooed on my ass if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna get Kirk Cousins' face tattoo on my ass if they win the Super Bowl... I will do the, I was wrong tattoo. If they get to the Super Bowl... I'll also convert to whatever denomination of Christianity Kirk Cousins is.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.