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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Jerry Jones actively seeks out and enjoys quarterback controversies for his team

Jerry fucking loves a quarterback controversy. Oh he loves it. That's what he gets out of. Hi, whatever hyperbaric chamber he sleeps to extend his life. That's how he gets out of that area in the morning. And he's like, I can't wait to stir up some controversy with my team and talk about the quarterback.

This is a subjective characterization of Jones's management style.

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Void
Sep 28, 2022
#10338
Big CatBig Cat

Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback in NFL history

Being able to actually focus on one game, it reminded me that Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback I've ever seen in my life. He's like just like 10 minutes either ahead or 10 minutes behind. But he is never on schedule.

While subjective, Daniel Jones' struggles with pocket presence and timing were a defining characteristic of his early career with the Giants.
Loss
Sep 28, 2022
#10340
Big CatBig Cat

Dan Quinn will be a head coach again, fail, and then return to being the best defensive coordinator in the league

Dan Quinn is a really fucking good defensive coach. He's gonna be a head coach again. I'm gonna call right out. Dan Quinn will be a head coach again and he's gonna go like eight and eight, then he's gonna go five and 11. Then he is gonna go five 11 again, get fired. Then he's gonna go somewhere, went to a Super Bowl and be the best coordinator in the league again.

Dan Quinn went 12-5 and reached the NFC Championship in Year 1 as Commanders HC, then 5-12 in Year 2. He's still the HC — hasn't failed and returned to DC work.
Win
Sep 28, 2022
#24545
Big CatBig Cat

Cooper Rush has played himself into a lucrative contract as a competent NFL backup

Cooper Rush three and O is a starter. Looked like Cooper Rush has now made himself a lot of money because he does, he's, he doesn't look incredible, but he looks more than competent as a backup... the ball kind of jumps off his hand sometimes... he's made himself a lot of money as a backup.

Cooper Rush signed a 2-year, $5 million contract with the Cowboys in 2023, confirming his status as a well-paid backup.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.