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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Kyler Murray is the 'best wiggler' in the NFL

I'm a believer in Kyler Murray. He's really wiggly. He's the best wiggler in the NFL. He's starting to figure it out more and I'm a believer. It matter how fast your defensive line is when you have a quarterback that is at least half a second faster than all of them.

Kyler Murray had a breakout year in 2020, earning a Pro Bowl selection and finishing with over 4,700 total yards.

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Loss
Sep 21, 2020
#5806
Big CatBig Cat

Cam Newton looks healthy and the Patriots offense looks very promising

Cam Newton looks good. He looks healthy. The Patriots were very promising. Yes, very, very good. I would watch these two teams [Patriots and Seahawks] play every single week. He has absolutely no hesitation running the ball or passing it, his shoulder looks really, really good right now.

Newton struggled later in the season after contracting COVID-19, and the Patriots finished 7-9, missing the playoffs.
Void
Sep 21, 2020
#20846
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Matt Patricia is literally eating his losses as they pile up

I think Matt Patricia is eating his losses. He looks large and those losses are piling up because they've lost now 11 in a row. He's layering up. He was certainly getting into layer season a little bit early. He's all seven-layer dip on Matt Patricia's body.

This is a subjective comedic take; Patricia was fired later that season after continuing to lose.
Win
Sep 21, 2020
#20847
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Aaron Rodgers 'Fuck You Tour' is officially happening this year

Aaron Rodgers the 'fuck you' tour is happening this year. I've come to accept it and I'm very, very scared. They do need to figure out how to keep Aaron Rodgers pissed off for an entire season. They have to have a strategy because right now they're toasting off their master class of drafting Jordan Love.

Aaron Rodgers went on to win the NFL MVP award in 2020, validating the 'revenge' narrative.

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Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.