NFL Week 2 Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes & NBA Playoffs

Cam Newton is healthy and the Patriots offense looks very promising

Cam Newton looks good. He looks healthy... the Patriots were very promising. Yes, very, very good. I would watch these two teams [Patriots and Seahawks] play every single week.

Matthew Stafford is a future Hall of Famer based on his statistics

I'm the one who's on the hook as calling him as a hall-of-fame future hall-of-fame quarterback just based off his ridiculous stats. Yeah. No, he's absolutely going to be in the Hall of Fame.

Ryan Tannehill is officially a top-10 quarterback

Ryan Tannehill is just like a top-10 quarterback right now... 44 out of 60, 460 yards, six touchdowns, zero interceptions. He finally was like, 'Fuck it, you guys want to keep making fun of me for taking the next step? I'm going to take the next step.'

Daniel Jones is not the second coming of Eli Manning

I think we can officially say that Daniel Jones is not Eli Manning... I think we've seen enough to know that he is not Eli Manning.

The Vikings are officially 'done-chained' and won't win the Super Bowl

The Vikings suck. I would like to say I'm going to done-chain the Vikings again after week two. They are totally done. Vikings are done... If the Vikings win the Super Bowl, I'll get Creed lyrics tattooed on my body.

A safety should be worth five points instead of two

I actually think that a safety should be worth five points. Two points is not enough for a safety. It's hard to do. It's a change of momentum type play. They should—it should be five points and then you also get the ball.

Josh Allen is a legitimate MVP candidate

Josh Allen for MVP. It is people talking about honestly, I'll accept an apology from anyone at this point... he's fucking fun.

Carson Wentz is officially bad at football

Eagles might just be bad and no offense Eagles fans, but Carson Wentz might just be bad... he just misses guys and throws interceptions and kind of just isn't good right now. He stunk today. It's time to push the panic button.

Matt Rhule has 'dumb face'

Does Matt Rhule have dumb face? His glasses are too big. That's the thing. He has glasses of someone who's 60 pounds heavier than he is... I'm starting to think he's got dumb face.

LeBron James is definitely winning the NBA title this year

LeBron's gonna win [the] title... I ran some simulations and they're all kind of coming out the same way.

Bronny James Jr. is better at smoking weed than I am

I would say I would say something like that. Yeah, smoking the nuggets pack. He's better at smoking weed than I am. Oh, he's what, 16 years old? He's great at smoking.

Many are questioning the validity of Bryson DeChambeau's US Open win because Brooks Koepka was injured

Bryson DeChambeau... emerge victorious to win his first ever major. Many are questioning the validity of this win as two-time US Open Champion Brooks Koepka did not participate due to injury.