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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Lane Kiffin won't take the Giants job because it's too cold in New York

Lane Kiffin has officially taken his hat out of the running to be the Giants next head coach 'cause of coldness. [Kiffin] said not interested, too cold up there.

Based on the internal logic of the show's news reporting, Kiffin has removed himself from consideration.

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Void
Nov 7, 2025
#10844
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Bo Nix is essentially the new Tim Tebow

I'm a believer. But the bow [Nix] wins football games. This is why we've been saying that he is Tim Tebow. Did you, you give him all the credit in the world for this and it was, that was a dog shit football game.

Subjective comparison of playing styles and 'winning' intangibles.
Win
Nov 7, 2025
#10845
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Wind is less impactful on football games in Denver due to the high altitude

Did you know that at altitude mile high, the wind doesn't have as much of an effect because the air is so thin. So if it's blowing 20 miles an hour, 20 miles an hour in Denver is like 25 miles an hour down at sea level.

Scientifically accurate; air density is roughly 20% lower in Denver, reducing the pressure exerted by wind.
Void
Nov 7, 2025
#10846
Big CatBig Cat

Al Michaels' broadcasting mood is determined by the length of his flight to the stadium

My theory too on Al is that it just depends on how long of a flight he had to take. So when he's like at a Charger's vi the Charger's playing the Vikings, which was a blowout, he was pretty happy tonight... If he has to call next week Jets, patriots, we're gonna get a surly surly al Michaels 'cause he is gotta go cross country. He's gonna be pissed off.

Inherently subjective theory about a broadcaster's internal mood.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.