Vikings fans now have no excuse to miss church on Sundays

Hey, Vikings fans, you don't have an excuse to miss church now. OK, so every Sunday, get your ass in the pew. I know you guys party hard, so you've got a lot of sins to atone for.

A player who suffers a gruesome career-ending injury should have the option to be euthanized on the field

If it's an old fullback, let's say he's like 37, 38 years old, got a lot of miles on the legs. He's about to retire and he lives and breathes for football, breaks his leg gruesomely. I think a player like that would almost rather be euthanized on the field than have to live out the rest of the life.

The Timberwolves will be the savior of Minnesota sports with Tom Thibodeau

The Timberwolves are going to be good. Tom Thibodeau is here to save you, Minnesota. So let's just... Sometimes it's good to just be like, you know what? Cancel this entire season. We're just going to go on to the next one. And guess what? The next one's pretty damn good.

England will beat the Netherlands and then lose a heartbreaking match to Argentina

I think England's gonna win this weekend. And then you'll have the realization that it might not actually be coming home after all... losing to Argentina at that stage, that would be the most heartbreaking loss they could possibly have.

Christian Pulisic is clearly not and cannot be the face of US soccer

I'm just sick of relying on him [Pulisic] to be the face of US soccer because it can't be, it's so clear that he's not.

The 4-1 loss to Belgium was the worst USMNT performance in years

That was the worst performance from the US that I've seen in years. Just completely lackluster from the start. So much blame to go around. Tim Ream, friend of the program, good guy over the hill, turned into soccer Shawn Bradley before our very eyes got dunked on twice.