Kyle Trask's facial hair makes him look like a mediocre 6th-inning reliever, not a franchise quarterback

If you were scouting this crop of quarterbacks, Kyle Trask's facial hair is a huge negative. That is not a franchise quarterback. That is a... like a 6th-inning reliever. Maybe a long reliever. Not a good reliever, I'm talking about a guy who comes in when someone gets shelled.

The NFL should let Bill Belichick or Nick Saban coach the Browns for their playoff game

The real solution, and I'm being dead serious on this: they should just be like, 'Bill Belichick can coach the Browns this week.' Wouldn't that be the greatest entertainment to be like, 'Okay, let's see how great of a coach you are, Belichick.' You show up, five days to prep the team. Browns fans would absolutely take it.

The Browns are a team of destiny because the Super Bowl is the anniversary of their mascot dog Swagger's death

I got a little sliver of hope for Browns fans. And that's that you are a team of destiny... the Super Bowl is being on the one-year anniversary of Swagger's death. Their dog died a year ago on the exact date of the Super Bowl... Swagger one laid the foundation for Swagger two to come in and turn the Browns into a winning team. One year later, I feel like they get that team of destiny vibe.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.