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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Bengals should start Jake Browning or AJ McCarron for a few games to let Joe Burrow's calf heal

I would take the keys out of his [Burrow's] hand. I would be like, 'Hey, just sit out for a little bit, man.' ... I would say star [Jake Browning] against the Cardinals. I would say star 'em against the Seahawks and then Joe back. ... AJ McCarron can beat the Cardinals. AJ McCarron is one of those guys.

The Bengals did not bench Burrow; he continued to play until suffering a season-ending wrist injury in Week 11. Browning did eventually start and play well later in the season.

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Void
Oct 2, 2023
#11553
Big CatBig Cat

Taylor Swift probably thinks Zach Wilson is the greatest quarterback of all time

If Taylor Swift, this is her second football game she's ever been to know of, she probably thinks that Zach Wilson is the greatest quarterback of all time. 'Cause he is outplaying Patrick Mahomes.

Subjective comedic take. In the specific game (Chiefs/Jets Week 4), Wilson did outplay Mahomes statistically.
Loss
Oct 2, 2023
#29223
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Taylor Swift is a distraction for the Kansas City Chiefs

I think we need to have the conversation. Is Taylor Swift a distraction? I just love the word distraction because you can just throw it out there for anything. But I do think that if there was going to be a distraction, probably be like the most famous person in the world dating your tight end.

The Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl this season, rendering the 'distraction' narrative moot.
Loss
Oct 2, 2023
#11554
Big CatBig Cat

I will buy into every weird drug and science Aaron Rodgers does if he returns to play this season

If Aaron Rodgers plays football in this season, I will buy whatever drugs in every weird thing that he does immediately... I will, I will essentially just my entire life I'll be like, you know what? I was wrong. His science [might be right].

Aaron Rodgers did not play in the 2023 season after his Week 1 injury.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.