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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The East is the 'Region of Branding' because of the high-profile programs in the bracket

I look at the east region and I look at the tie seeds, Baylor defending national champion to seed Kentucky's Kentucky Purdue. One of the great brands in the big 10 Texas is Texas and UCLA in North Carolina. Also in the top half of that region, this is the region of branding.

The East region featured Baylor, Kentucky, Purdue, UCLA, North Carolina, and Texas, arguably the most brand-heavy quadrant.

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Void
Mar 16, 2022
#1441
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tom Brady un-retired because he didn't want to share his Hall of Fame induction with Ben Roethlisberger

Tom Brady saw the writing on the wall. He's like, five years now. I don't want to get my [Hall of Fame] ceremony cut by big Ben [Roethlisberger]. So I'll just cuck the kids and stuff.

The Hall of Fame timing is factually correct (they would have been in the same class), but the motive is satirical.
Loss
Mar 16, 2022
#1442
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tom Brady will play for the Raiders under Josh McDaniels

My theory is that Tom Brady wants to play for the Raiders for [Josh] McDaniels who's now the head coach of the Raiders, his old offensive coordinator... Pioli being very weird and cryptic on NFL network today about whether or not Tom Brady was going to come back and play for the bucks. Like he knew something.

Brady played the entire 2022 season for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Void
Mar 16, 2022
#1443
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The West is the toughest region in the 2022 NCAA Tournament

I think that the west is the toughest region right now. There's landmines in the west.

Subjective tournament analysis, though the #1 overall seed (Gonzaga) and #2 Duke were both in this region.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.