The Seattle Seahawks only win because they know the rule book better and 'cheat' more than everyone else

Did you notice the Seattle Cheahawks were back to their old cheating ways? ...They just cheat a lot. That's all they do. ...By knowing the rule book better than everybody else.

Ben Roethlisberger gets smarter when he is concussed because it shuts off his dumb thoughts

I think Roethlisberger gets smarter when he gets concussed. ...More instinctual. Right, his head gets out of his own way. Right, he's just like a big, dumb animal. All of his terrible thoughts are no longer functioning in his head, so he's able to operate like a normal human being.

2017 is not the 'Year of Matt' after every quarterback named Matt lost in the Wild Card round

Wait, so every Matt lost this weekend, huh? ...Not the year of Matt. Tough weekend for Matt.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.