Chet Holmgren is a two-can drunk

How many beers do you think it takes Chet [Holmgren] to get drunk? I think it's like, I think he's a two can. I think two beers and a cigarette. Yeah. And he was puking.

NBA players should only drink alcohol when they win a championship

What I'm saying for [Jalen Williams] is he should not say he's never gonna drink again. Because you should drink just only when you win an NBA championship. I'll see you next year beer.

At the core of every joke, there is a serious truth

I choose to [believe he was joking], but at the core of every joke, therein lies a serious truth. Alex Caruso is now an NBA champion.

I will turn the other cheek for one egg thrown at me, but two eggs crosses the line.

Every man has a line that you can't cross. My line is two eggs. If you throw one egg at me, I will turn my cheek. And the communist is fine. Like we can talk shit. But if you throw two eggs, I've run out of cheeks to turn.

LSU getting kicked out of the SEC would actually be good for their brand

The SEC condemned [bringing back NFL camp players] and then they got together and they're talking about banning it, and then now they're saying that they will in fact kick LSU out if they attempt to do this. Okay. Which, I mean, this is good. I think for LSU'S brand, it's just being like Rebels. Yeah. And a conference that also features Ole Miss. They are the true rebels.

I am feeling very bad vibes about the Commanders' 2026 season

I'm feeling really, really bad about the upcoming Commander season. Just bad vibes coming outta camp from the local media, from the, the GM who's already getting up in front of the team and saying that there's a lot of stuff that they've done behind the scenes... I feel like this is where I get my heart ripped outta my chest every year.