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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Patriots are dead and face a multi-year decline

Patriots are dead. Yeah, it's, it's like madlibs. Like are they, are they dead this, this year or is this like a, this feels like it's a multi-year thing going on.

The Patriots finished 8-9 in 2022 and 4-13 in 2023, eventually parting ways with Belichick, confirming a multi-year decline.

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Dec 2, 2022
#19163
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Bill O'Brien will be a great fit for the Patriots as offensive coordinator next season

They're probably gonna get Bill O'Brien cuz he wants to come back to the NFL. He wants to leave Alabama. So I actually think that'd be, that'd be a great fit. Bring him back to New England.

Bill O'Brien was hired as the Patriots OC in January 2023.
Void
Dec 2, 2022
#19164
HankHank

Josh Allen is by far the best quarterback in the NFL

Tonight it was like watching, you know, the Patriots struggle and then Josh Allen's the best about Oh, your by far. He's like watching him is watching like the old Patriots where he makes every throw, he makes every play right. They look unstoppable.

Allen is consistently top-tier, but 'by far' is subjective and debatable against Patrick Mahomes.
Void
Dec 2, 2022·Picks
#19165
Big CatBig Cat

Kyler Murray's biggest problem is that he is fundamentally a baseball player

Not to be Colin Coward here, but I feel like Kyle and Murray's biggest problem is he's a baseball player. Baseball players, they care about themselves. They have individual accolades. Football is a team sport. Kyle Murray's a baseball player.

This is an psychological assessment of an athlete's mentality that cannot be factually proven.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.