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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tom Brady can't beat 'ugly' or 'mouth-breathing' quarterbacks like Eli Manning and Nick Foles

What the game did prove to us was our theory that Tom Brady sucks against ugly quarterbacks and mouth-breathing quarterbacks... You got two against Eli [Manning], you got one against Nick Foles. It's like an ugly duckling, beautiful swan situation where you underestimate your competition if you're that much more attractive than they are.

While funny, Brady has beaten many quarterbacks of varying levels of conventional attractiveness. Foles and Manning are his only Super Bowl losses to date (2018).

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Void
Feb 5, 2018
#29316
Big CatBig Cat

The Patriots play the best Super Bowls and their games are always entertaining

The Patriots play the best Super Bowls. If you look at their eight Super Bowls that they've played in, they have always been entertaining, and that one was maybe one of the most entertaining.

The Patriots' Super Bowls under Brady and Belichick were almost all decided by one score and featured legendary plays, supporting this opinion.
Win
Feb 5, 2018
#17646
Big CatBig Cat

Doug Pederson beat the Patriots by taking the huge risks that the Jaguars refused to take

Doug Pederson did what the Jaguars refused to do in the AFC Championship game. He knew that to beat the Patriots, you have to take one or two huge risks, and that's the only way you can do it. And he did it with the fourth down call where Nick Foles caught the touchdown.

The Eagles' aggression on fourth downs is widely credited as a major reason for their victory over New England.
Loss
Feb 5, 2018
#17647
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Malcolm Butler was benched because of a gentleman's agreement trade between Bill Belichick and Sean Payton

Nobody knows why [Malcolm Butler was benched]... I actually think it's something else entirely. I think it's part of a gentleman's agreement between [Bill] Belichick and Sean Payton just to keep him healthy for the trade that is yet to be finalized. But it's definitely coming.

Malcolm Butler was not traded to the Saints; he signed with the Tennessee Titans as a free agent in the following offseason.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.