Takes

Mets GM Brodie Van Wagenen intentionally leaked that Yoenis Cespedes was missing to spite him

He knew that Cespedes packed up his shit and left because he was opting out but he used to be Cespedes's Agent and so he's pissed that Yoenis ended up signing with Roc Nation. And so now he's like feeding all this shit into the media... first thought if somebody just ditches the Mets you don't immediately suspect that they're dead.

Robinson Cano took steroids specifically to heal his broken wrist faster

He broke his wrist like a week ago, and now he has... That was pretty quick of him to do steroids for the recovery. Got to admire the hustle. That's Andy Pettitte-like hustle to the pharmacy.

The Braves will be 'fucked' for 10 years after their illegal scouting scandal

They ended up losing 12 of their minor league players to free agency. They just ripped up their contracts. So basically, the Braves are going to be absolutely fucked for the next 10 years.

Willson Contreras sliding into Mia Khalifa's DMs was just a man looking for a friend

He doesn't even need PR 101 because if you read the DMs, he's just looking for a friend. ... He said, 'I just want me friend.' ... So guess what? Willson Contreras, you're fine in my book.

A guy named Bryce has never won a fight

Bryce is not a tough guy. Bruce Harper does not lose fights. A guy named Bruce I don't think has ever lost a fight. A guy named Bryce has never won a fight. That's sabermetrically how it works out.

Minor league teams should hold a 'Coke Night' promotion featuring cocaine-themed relay races

Minor league teams like to have fun with all sorts of wacky promotion nights, right? Why not have a Coke night? ... You give the mascot a vacuum, you give the little kid a vacuum, and then you see who can suck up the foul line the fastest on the way out to the outfield.

The Mets should ban the media from reporting Matt Harvey's ERA

The Mets need to send out a release to all the press people saying, you're not allowed to cover our games. You're not getting a credential if you talk about what Matt Harvey's ERA is. So just put a moratorium on bad Matt Harvey talk.

Matt Harvey needs to start partying and doing cocaine to find his form

I also think he needs to party again. He used to be a party boy... I would say either get the Mets to basically make it a rule that no one can say anything bad about you or start doing a bunch of cocaine.