Takes

Bryce Maximus James is guaranteed to play in the NBA

My stardom is Bryce Maximus James. 'cause guess what? He's gonna be in the NBA at some point. I'm gonna call my shot right now. ... Feels like he's gonna get drafted and get in the NBA. The kid don't know. I just got a feeling about this one.

Jimmy Butler is the top-one player in the NBA

Jimmy Butler is a king, top one player in the NBA. He got fined due to attempting to escalate the situation and also for not snitching.

The 2020 NBA City Edition uniforms are largely based on Reddit suggestions

NBA is the one league where I'm pretty sure someone in the league office is just scrolling through Reddit at all times and be like, look at this fucking uniform. This is cool. Let's build an entire uniform base off of this.

LeBron James only defended China to protect his Space Jam 2 ticket sales

LeBron is so transparent that he only wanted to say nice things about China because he wants to sell his stupid movie Space Jam 2. Space Jam 1 is better.

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

Kobe Bryant is not even a top five Laker anymore now that LeBron James is in Los Angeles

My sit-em is Kobe Bryant. He's not even a top five Laker anymore now that LeBron's there.

Jabari Parker was benched because he started the mutiny against the Bulls' practice

Jabari Parker, he has been benched because, and this is, I mean, I have no sources to back me up except my own brain, but he was clearly the guy who started the mutiny, right? Because he didn't want to practice. He doesn't want to play defense.

Bol Bol will get injured this season because he is way too tall

My sit-em is Bol Bol. This guy is way too fucking tall. There's no way he makes it this whole season without getting hurt... he wears short shorts, so it makes him look even taller.

Duke could beat the Cleveland Cavaliers

Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett, Alex O'Connell. It's the big three, and Paul Pierce told them they could beat the Cavs, and they could. Dukes, yeah.

The first three Christmas Day NBA unders will always win

I bet the first three Christmas Day unders every single year, and I think it's won every single year for like 15 years. The only year it didn't win was the lockout year when the first game of the season was Christmas Day. And it's basically because everyone's full... And they wear those stupid jerseys... Take the Christmas Day Unders first three.