Takes

The Bills will win the AFC East for the next 10 to 15 years

There's no reason why [the Bills] shouldn't be beating the Patriots for the next 10, 15 years... those days are over. The Bills, you know, they have the East for now.

The Eagles can get a franchise QB by trading their three 2022 first-round picks

They have three picks... you can go get a franchise quarterback with your three picks. You have three first-round picks. You could... that would be an incredible move because you're not mortgaging the future. You're mortgaging right now, right? For an incredible franchise quarterback.

Mike McCarthy's brain processes information slowly because he is obese

I am this person myself... Mike McCarthy and so I am this person, myself... when they zoom in on his face, I'm like, he's so fat that he just thinks slower than everyone. Like, that's what I think. I'm like he's—he's not processing at the same speed. He's like an old, outdated computer.

Any head coach the Bears hire will fail because the organization is broken

I've come to a bad realization with it—with my wisdom in life—is that it's not the coach. It's the organization. Like whoever gets hired is going to fail because the organization will fail them... 90% chance will fail because the Bears are broken, terrible organization.

Joe Judge might have gotten a raw deal from the Giants

In fact I'm I think Joe judge might've gotten a raw deal. My new theory on Joe, Joe is he got a completely raw deal. And the plan was always for him to come back next year. But when he got the reins to the, to the team, they essentially said, all right, you're going to run the show... I think they didn't give Joe judge and Gettleman as much room to work with as they said they were going to.

Joe Judge intentionally tried to get fired by the Giants

I still am convinced that he tried to get fired because if you look at the timeline, he, his job was guaranteed for next year. And then he completely lost his mind saying the weirdest shit, QB sneaks. And then obviously the finale of saying he wants more power. I think he was essentially like, I want to get fired. I don't want to coach this team anymore.

The Over (49) is a good play for Raiders vs. Bengals

I think that the, the over is a good play in this game. I think we're going to see a shitload of points right now. It's at 49. Okay. Neither one of these teams is spectacular on defense and they both kind of just strike me as teams that they, they panic later on in games.

The Eagles will cover the spread against the Buccaneers

I think the Eagles are gonna cover. Yeah. I think it's one of those matchup things to back that up. I like the Eagles they're kind of in there. The team that's being disrespected the most... I think the weather is going to contribute and I think the bucks are going to win by six.

Tom Brady is 0-5 against the spread against the NFC East in the playoffs

The stat that I have that backs that up is Tom Brady has owned five against the spread against the NFC east in the playoffs. So his own five, he's got he's two and three straight up.

The 49ers could beat anyone in the NFC

I think the 49ers can they're there the team in the NFC that like they could beat anyone. You know what I mean? They're they're the team that has the lowest seed where I'm like, yup. If you told me the 49ers ended up in the super bowl. I wouldn't, I wouldn't think that's a crazy.

Kicking the field goal down 8 in the 2020 NFCCG was the best decision for the team

I'll tell you what you look at, how many plays inside the red zone, especially you're talking about eight plus are successful in that situation. And I just felt like it was best. I thought our defense was playing well and thought we could get the stop. And unfortunately you're damned if you do damned, if you don't... had I be in that same situation again, I really do think that was the best thing for us.

I am officially mortal locking the Packers to win the Super Bowl

I'm going to do something I never thought I would do... but you guys are gonna win the super bowl this year. It's pretty much guaranteed. I might actually mortal lock it. If you win the super bowl, I'd like you to come back on. Pardon? My take. And I will, I will eat shit.

There will be a dildo on the field in Buffalo for the Patriots game

I have a prediction. Yes. I think there's going to be a dildo on the field again. No, no. I just have a feeling. I got a feeling they're going to be on their best behavior.

Someone will score four touchdowns in the Patriots vs. Bills game

I've got a cool number thing on this game. The spread is four. Yup. The temperature is going to be four. The over-under is 44. Whoa... maybe someone will score four touchdowns.

NFL owners are generally idiots with the same IQ level as a dumb coworker

The person that owns your favorite team is a pretty big idiot. Just like the sooner you come to terms with that, the better they're just they're morons. Like everybody else, like think of the dumbest people that you work with that is typically about the same IQ level as an NFL owner.

Ted Phillips is the root of the Bears' problems and uses the Arlington Heights move to avoid being fired

The only way the bears can be fixed is Ted Phillips has to go... he's obviously in charge of the Arlington Heights land purchase. And I think that will never happen because Ted Phillips knows, as long as they're still negotiating it, he will still have a job.

Joe Judge staying with the Giants makes him a 'human shield' for the new GM

For a GM, [the Giants job] is absolutely [attractive] because you do have some draft picks this year... and then you have the perfect scapegoat and Joe judge, nobody expects anything out of Joe judge next year, right? Human shield. Yes. You need a human shield.

The Seahawks should bring back Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson because they are better than 80% of the league

The Seahawks will be so smart to just bring Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson back... You're better with these two guys than like 80% of the [NFL].

Andrew Luck looks extremely happy and appears to have zero interest in returning to football

Andrew luck shows up out of nowhere... and he looked like he's lost about 70 pounds. My God, I actually don't think that Andrew luck has picked up a football in the last three years. And he looks really happy.

The Steelers will beat the Chiefs in the playoffs because Kansas City is due for a bad game

I really think the Steelers could beat the chiefs... the chiefs are due for a bad game, man. They really are just due for one... I wouldn't be surprised [if they win] because they're due.

TJ Watt is definitively the best defensive player in football

For anybody who's been watching the NFL this year or the past three years... the best defensive player in football has been TJ watt. It's a fact.

The NFL is rigged for ratings and views

How somehow some way, and the fourth quarter... the scores magically are going to line up. If this team gets a touchdown in a two point conversion, it's like, wow, it's, it's rigged. This is rigged for ratings, for views.

The Raiders were smart to win rather than tie because they have a better chance against the Bengals than the Chiefs

On just a level for the Raiders, it was smart to go for the win. Once they're in that spot at the end of the game... if you let the Chargers in, you have to go play the Chiefs, right? Where now you get to go play the Bengals. I mean, the Bengals are better than the Raiders, but they have a lot better of a chance against the Bengals than they have against the Chiefs who has had their number and kick their ass this year.

This was the best Week 18 in the history of the NFL

I'm just going to say that was the best Week 18 in the history of the NFL. It came right down to the last game of the last week. Congratulations, Roger Goodell. You've done it again.

Brandon Staley's decision to go for it on 4th and 1 from his own 18-yard line was absolutely insane

Brandon Staley living and dying by going forward on fourth down... the Raiders were up three and Brandon Staley went forward on fourth and one on his own 20... It was 17-14. They went for it on fourth and one at their own 18 with 8:57 left in the third quarter. That's how crazy he is guys. Fucking crazy.

The Patriots are ready to face the Bills and should face them head-on

I've never been more ready for anything in my life... why wait? You know, the bills are the better team they're favored all that shit. They're at home, but this is what you want. Why run? Why not just face it head on.

George Kittle is the lock for the Nickelodeon MVP (NVP)

It's gotta be Kittle. We gotta keep it in the family. Kittle would be nice. You have to keep it in the, I think that's the only answer. It's Kittle. It's Kittle no matter what... Congratulations to George Kittle. If there is a fan vote, he has won MVP.

Jaguars fans should keep wearing clown outfits because they are undefeated as clowns

You also got to keep wearing clown outfits. I think if you're Jags fans, right? You're undefeated as the clowns. Yes. You are the clowns. Change the team name to the clowns.

Joe Judge has done everything in his power to get himself fired since being told he was staying

Joe Judge was told that he was going to keep his job on December 26... after that moment, he lost a combined 85 to 20 in the three games... he did a QB sneak from the three yard line and the four yard line on second and 10 and third and nine because he was too scared about giving up a safety. I have never seen someone be told that they're going to get to keep their job and done everything in their power to try to have them reverse that decision.

Kirk Cousins needs to play worse to help his team win

Kirk Cousins is without a doubt like top 10, maybe top 5 guy in some of those [stat] categories. I think I figured out his problem though, because they lost a lot of games where he played well, statistically. Well, I think he's just too good. And I think that he scores too fast sometimes, and then puts his defense in a position to lose. Kirk needs to get a little bit worse at playing if he wants to be truly good.

Matt Stafford will throw a critical interception that ends the Rams' season

But he's just, you know what I mean? Like that feeling of, well, this is like, there'll be a moment and he will make sure that he throws an interception in that moment. That critical moment. And then your season's over.

Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson will both return to the Seahawks next year

I now think that both Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson will come back next year. Why not? I think they're going to, I think they're going to run it back... Getting a quarterback as good as Russell Wilson is very tough to do in this league. I would say it's very tough. Getting a coach like Pete Carroll is tough to do in this league. Why don't we just try to give it another shot?

The Saints would have been the one seed if Jameis Winston hadn't gotten injured

The real question is do the saints get the one seed overall if Jameis Winston doesn't get injured. [PFT: Yes.] I think definitely. I think definitely.

Antonio Brown and Bruce Arians are likely both at fault for the Buccaneers drama

I think the truth is probably Antonio Brown and Bruce Arians are both assholes. Like that might be the truth because it seems like a lot of people are taking the side of Antonio Brown because you have to take the side of player safety... Bruce Arians never wanted Antonio Brown on the Bucs. That was Tom Brady's idea. So it's not totally unbelievable that Bruce Arians would be like, 'You're outta here because you won't go back in the game.'

Antonio Brown will not be back on an NFL team

I don't think Antonio Brown will be back on an NFL team. I guess you can never say never... but I don't think he's going anywhere.

I really hope Big Ben shows up to training camp next year and claims he was joking about retiring

I really, really hope deep down. He just shows up to training camp next year. And he's like, what? Wait, what I was, I was just joking. Like I wasn't serious. I'm still [a] Steeler.

Big Ben benefited more from existing pre-social media than any other quarterback

Nobody benefited more from existing pre-social media than Big Ben. Yes. That is absolutely true.

The Browns screwed up Baker Mayfield's season by not forcing him to get healthy earlier

I actually still think that the Browns like baker deserves a lot of blame for not having a good year, but the Browns deserve a lot of blame for kind of bungling this entire injury. Like they never really were like, Hey baker, let's get you healthy and try to put it all back together. Instead there they were, it was just every week, let's get you out there. And he got progressively injured and was playing progressively worse.

You can't give Baker Mayfield a record-breaking contract right now

He definitely falls in the camp of a guy that you can't be giving a record breaking contract to. That's not like something wild. That's not a hot take. I think we all agree with that. He's not an upper echelon quarterback right now.

The new Washington team name will be the 'Red Hogs'

I'm thinking it's going to be the red hogs, which I, which I love actually, because you're given a throwback to the hogs, the old offensive line. And you can do so much cool shit with pissed off looking pigs.

If you are concerned about getting hurt in a bowl game, you should not play

If you play in a bull game and you're worried, oh my gosh, I'm playing in this bowl game. But what if I get hurt? You're going to get hurt... If there's any fear at all about what's at stake... I would say, don't do it. You got to play the game. It is a reckless game.

College football players are on a path toward becoming unionized employees

I say, we make the players, employees. I say, we're going on a path. Now we form a union. I mean, that's where we're going with this thing... because players need to be treated that way. They need to benefit more than they are not just with name, image and likeness.

Cincinnati would have stayed ahead of Oklahoma State in the playoff rankings even if the Cowboys had won the Big 12

My hunch is Cincinnati would have gone ahead of them. I think that's my hunch... Because of where they were all year. I mean, think about it. They weren't coming from 28 working their way, all the way up... they were invited to the party before the season started.

Georgia is a better team than Alabama this year

I still do think Georgia is a better team than Alabama. And I think that they've been better all year.

If I'm Georgia, I am jamming Jameson Williams at the line of scrimmage every single snap

I'm literally taking a guy no matter where number one [Jameson Williams] goes... I'm jamming his ass. It's a line of scrimmage, every single snap with a safety over top. And I'm making either Brian Robinson win the game... Jameson Williams destroyed them. The last game they played, he can't beat me. He cannot beat me.

I am willing to die on certain plays; that is the level of commitment needed

I gave myself no other option... I play with this type of intensity and tenacity that, you know, I was willing to, you know, I mean, I was willing to die on certain plays out there. And that's kinda how I took it most of my career.

This Sunday might be my last NFL game

Hopefully this is my last game, you know, that's, that's kind of where my mindset is... I got to figure out what's next for me, you know? And, and I got to figure out if there's an opportunity for me to go onto, you know, you know, contender next year.

It's a law of the universe that long-haired quarterbacks don't win Super Bowls

It's not even really long hair curse. It's just a demonstrable fact that long hair quarterbacks have never won a Superbowl... It's a law of the universe.

The Titans are the one seed that can legitimately play the 'nobody believes in us' card

You are, this is the rarest thing you can have in all sports. You're literally the one seed in the AFC and you're disrespected. That's incredible to be able to play that card of like no one believes in us and truly no one believes in us.

Joe Burrow is an elite NFL quarterback

Joe Burrow, I think last week I said he was a leader. I think he's elite. I think Joe Burrow... I think I'm ready to officially declare right now... he just is.