Takes

NFL owners care more about profit than winning

There's a lot of owners that don't really, they say they want to win, but they don't want to do what it takes to win. They want to be profitable. They're in the entertainment business. They think it's cool to own a team.

Rex Ryan will get another head coaching job

I think that he's going to get another head coaching job. I think he could go to Jacksonville. Oh, can you imagine Rex in L.A.?

Everyone should bet the over on the Boca Raton Bowl

Also, let's all bet the over for fun. Just together... Yeah, we're going to hammer the over. Hammer it. Big time.

The Seahawks' neon algae green uniforms are the best Color Rush uniforms ever

Color Rush happened last night. Best Color Rush uniforms ever. Ever. Seahawks look pretty good. Seahawks are great. Algae green.

The worse Bill Belichick looks, the better the Patriots play

The more I actually review these outfits, it's just the worse he looks, the better they play. It actually makes sense. He's the opposite of look good, play good.

Jeff Fisher couldn't even succeed at losing, which is the most losing thing of all

In my opinion, if you're going to do something, be the best at it. He couldn't even succeed at losing, which is really the most losing thing of all.

The 'Yates of Hell' nickname is the greatest for someone who can't back it up

Maybe the greatest nickname for someone who can't back it up because this is what happens with TJ Yates. You sell yourself on Yates of Hell, and you even bet on Yates of Hell, and then you remember that it's actually just TJ Yates and he sucks.

Hurdling over a center during a field goal is legal as long as there is no contact

So now you're getting these guys that are getting the running start and going over the top, and if they don't touch anybody, then it's legal. It's legal to hurdle. I just don't know what they could necessarily do other than to say that you can't jump over an opponent, and I just don't see them doing that.

If a dildo hit a receiver and caused a fumble, the down would likely be replayed

I mean, if the official feels like that something, you know, that's not connected with the game has an effect on the play, then he can order the play replayed. Much like they're talking about in the Raider Kansas City, they're saying that that long pass may have hit the NBC guide wires of the overhead camera. And if it does, there's actually a rule that covers that that says you just do it over again.

Yellow colored gloves and cleats should be illegal in the NFL

Should be illegal. I'm going illegal with that. Because we don't want to offend dumb people like yourself.

Harry Douglas's low hit on Chris Harris Jr. was not illegal or dirty

I say dirty from my standpoint is based upon whether it was illegal or not. And it's not illegal. I mean, he's in front. He's blocking low. It's a run up the middle. I don't think it's illegal at all, and I don't think the league does either.

Roger Goodell will change the overtime rules this offseason to eliminate all ties

Roger Goodell's going to change the overtime rules this offseason, so eliminating all ties, and then he's going to say that he saved the NFL yet again.

Jeff Fisher would have broken the all-time loss record if he hadn't been fired

[Speaking of the all-time loss record] Absolutely. He was [going to get it].

The punter 'hype bubble' will crash within two weeks

I feel like with those three guys [Hecker, McAfee, King], we're entering a punt bubble. It's unsustainable. Punters can't continue to be cool for the next three weeks. There's got to be a crash in there somewhere. So I'm predicting a punter's going to look really uncool... I'm going to go way out on a limb and say that a punter's going to do something dorky in the next couple weeks.

Aaron Rodgers is officially back and the Packers are the team nobody wants to play in January

[Aaron Rodgers] did his whole thing where everyone talked about how [he] was awful, and then he's rattled off three games that have been great, and the Packers are right back in the thick of things, and they are officially the don't-want-to-play-these-guys-in-January team.

The Detroit Lions are in trouble because Matthew Stafford's finger injury is a season-killer

The Lions are back because something really good happened to them today, and they're in the catbird seat of the NFC North. But then in a win, they also got really bad news as Matthew Stafford dislocated his middle finger on his throwing hand and severed a bunch of ligaments. So they're kind of fucked.

Ben McAdoo is an aspirational, try-hard football guy rather than a real one

I still continue to say [Ben McAdoo] is not a football guy. He's a football guy in disguise. He's trying to be. He's an aspirational football—he's a try-hard football guy. Football guys don't even know that they're trying to be football guys. He knows.

Matt Barkley is the real deal as an NFL quarterback

Matt Barkley, real deal. Matt Barkley and Daniel Braverman, ladies and gentlemen. Write it down.

Marc Trestman was a genius offensive coordinator but not a head coach

Trestman was a great offensive coordinator, he just wasn't a head coach... you can just tell by the way the guy is wired. He's an offensive-minded genius, and he should just be in charge of anything that falls under the offensive branch. When you're trying to talk to D-linemen and linebackers, who are just a different group of individuals, then you got to have a different way of going about it.

Ryan Tannehill's ACL injury is a good thing for his job security

I'm going to go with actually this is a good thing for him because that means that Tannehill gets another year. You can't judge him at the end of next year because it takes two years to come back from an ACL.

Aqib Talib will accidentally shoot himself if he tries to fight Harry Douglas

If you have to have anybody that's looking to come after you, it's a guy that has unsuccessfully tried to shoot two people. So we know that at least Aqib Talib isn't very accurate with a gun. He'll just shoot himself with it. So that's good.

Derek Carr is a cold-weather choker

Derek Carr, not [a cold-weather quarterback]. No, in fact, he's a cold-weather choker. He played, what, at Fresno State? Cali boy. Soft. Can't trust the soft Cali boys.

Alex Smith is better in the cold because it makes everyone else as bad as he is

Alex Smith, he's better in the cold. Well, I don't want to say he's better in the cold. It's like he's kind of shitty just in general. But when it gets cold outside, it's the great equalizer because everyone's shit.

RG3 will bring the Browns to the promised land

I got the Browns, RG3, bringing them to promised land.

The NFL should trade coaches between the best and worst teams every year

I'd like to see at the end of every season the worst team trade coaches with the best team and see what happens the next year. Just a quick quirky little rule change.

RG3 will dislocate his pelvis on Sunday

I'm going to go injured. I think he dislocates the pelvis. It's the big one. It's like the San Andreas quake. A lot of tremors the last few years.

Winning a game with the Browns would be the biggest moment of RG3's career

If he won the last game of the season and the Browns were winless going into it, that is the biggest moment in RG3's career.

Bill Belichick will draft Christian McCaffrey next year

It's reached a point where I'm going to go to Vegas and put $100 on Belichick drafting Christian McCaffrey next year. And it's going to be the easiest money that I ever made.

Bill Belichick signs white receivers just to confuse Chris Collinsworth

I think that he just signs white receivers and running backs just to confuse Chris Collinsworth. So the announcers have to take another 15 seconds after they get a first down or touchdown to just make sure that they get the guy's name right.

Ryan Fitzpatrick will spend the next ten years as a premier NFL backup

He's got another 10 years in this league as a backup. ... You get your name out there as a starter for four games. Little film. All of a sudden... You're one of the premier backups in the league.

Jeff Fisher's record for most losses in NFL history will never be broken

Jeff Fisher's losingest head coach in NFL history might be the untouchable record. ... Because they fire coaches now instantly. If you lose, you get two years max. There's no chance.

Snow football is the best football to watch

The Packers game, Bears game. Those are the best games to watch. Snow football. Love it. It's fun to get excited for the first snowfall and then just be miserable for four months straight.

Ezekiel Elliott is eating cereal, not soup, in his 'feed me' celebration

I saw somebody say, look at Ezekiel Elliott eating that cereal... he does his little soup celebration every time he gets some yards. I thought it's soup. Nope. It's cereal.

Ezekiel Elliott's 'feed me' celebration is problematic because of world hunger

This celebration is kind of problematic. A lot of people out there don't have food. They're hungry. They don't have soup. They don't have cereal. Ezekiel Elliott's just out there wasting it. He's basically saying, look how rich I am. I can eat.

The NFL should have logo-branded eyepatches for coaches like Mike Zimmer

If it was Jack [Del Rio] or if it was like Bruce Arians, Pete Carroll... They would have their team logo put on the eyepatch. Rex Ryan would for sure.

This week in the NFL will be a 'wonky' week where crazy things happen

I think there's gonna be a wonky week. It's one of those weeks where it's just like crazy things happen I just have a feeling... I just I feel like this is gonna be a wonky week.

Vegas is going to make a huge profit in Week 13 at the expense of home underdogs

This is the week that Vegas really sticks it to people. And I think that it's going to come at the expense of a lot of home dogs.

You shouldn't bet your life savings on any single game this weekend; spread it out

I don't feel comfortable betting all my life savings on one game, I would spread it out.

I grew up a 49ers fan and could never get on board with Tim Rattay because they were terrible with him

I guess not a fan of was Tim Rattay... He was the Niners quarterback when I was... or one of them, one of the many when I was growing up. And I was a big Niner fan, and they were terrible with him. I could never get on board with him ever.

Jeff Fisher is as big of a 'football guy' as they come

As big of a football guy as I come... I mean, that's his whole deal. I mean, he's there all day, and obviously he's been a head coach for a long time, been in football longer than a lot of head coaches in the league.

Rob Gronkowski might retire at 69 touchdowns just for the joke

Rob Gronkowski might retire just for the joke... No, but it's like a destiny thing. It really is a destiny thing. I don't think he wants to retire, but it's written in the stars.

Rob Gronkowski is the best player in the NFL

I honestly think he's the best player in the NFL.

Richie Incognito is the kind of guy you want on your side when the chips are down

He is that dude that you want on your side when the chips are down. Yeah. He's that dude. He really is.

More football is always better, so everyone complaining about Thursday Night Football should shut up

I would need people on Twitter, all the nerds out there who keep complaining about Thursday night: Shut up. More football is always better. Don't do this. You're ruining it. I hate people who are like, Thursday night football sucks. Guess what? It's better than no football.

Aaron Rodgers isn't washed; the Packers' defensive injuries are the real problem

I don't think [Rodgers] was ever gone. I mean, their defense kind of sucks. So that's not really helping his cause when he's throwing for 300 yards and three touchdowns and they still lost. I don't really get that whole narrative. They've got a lot of injuries, especially on defense.

I would un-retire and return to the Packers if they offered $1 million per game

If the Green Bay Packers called you up tomorrow and said, we'll give you a million dollars a game. Come back for the rest of the season. You doing it? Yeah, yeah, I'm doing that. I am un-retiring, yeah. If they're doing that, I'm back.

Greg Schiano failed as an NFL head coach because he focused too much on minor details

I think his biggest downfall as a head coach was he focused on way too many details. You kind of lost sight of the big picture. I was focused on, okay, if we recover a fumble, this is how my hands have to be and I need to tuck it into my body at a 90 degree angle. It was so many little details and you were on pins and needles.

Johnny Manziel needs to get sued or arrested every few months just to let us know he's alive

Johnny Manziel is being sued because apparently he broke some bartender's nose. Good to know Johnny Manziel is still alive. We need him to get sued or arrested every few months to let us know that he's alive.

Voters are more likely to support political change when their local NFL team is losing

When your football team is good, you're more likely to vote for an incumbent. And when your football team's bad, you're more likely to vote for a new guy. The Jaguars and Dolphins sucked up until Election Day. Wisconsin voted Trump. Steelers sucked at the start of the year, Pennsylvania voted Trump. Carolina Panthers suck, North Carolina voted for Trump too.

It is completely unfair to judge Jeff Fisher on his losing record

LA Rams COO Kevin Demoff said it's unfair to judge head coach Jeff Fisher on record. Kings stay Kings. Everybody will want to judge Jeff through the prism of just the record, but that's totally unfair when you look at the set of circumstances he was handed this year.