Takes

Baseball has the highest amount of celebratory ass slaps in sports

Baseball for sure. Football probably second... baseball, that's how they shake hands.

Bronny James should be required to use 'LeBron James Jr.' in the box score instead of 'B. James'

I really don't like the fact that [Bronny] is going by Bronny. Why not? His name's LeBron James Jr. Just go LeBron James Jr. I don't like calling like it's even in the box score. It's B James. Yeah. I don't like that, bro. I agree with you. The name is LeBron James Jr.

DeMar DeRozan is the 'working man's Steph Curry'

DeMar DeRozan is the working man Steph Curry. [He does it] old fashioned [with twos not threes].

Baseball players are secretly happy when they get snubbed from the All-Star game

If I'm a baseball player and I get snubbed for the All-Star game, I'm secretly excited about it because at least you get to go have like three days where you don't have to work.

Pete Alonso is the biggest loser in sports when the Home Run Derby comes around

Pete Alonso with the home run Derby is the worst. He is the biggest loser in sports when the Home Run Derby comes around. ... He, dude, he gets laser focused.

The San Jose Sharks are not a real franchise

The San Jose Sharks... they had a picture of [Macklin Celebrini] in the Sharks jersey. And I was like, this isn't a real franchise. It's like, let's make a franchise. I don't know. You just put on the [jersey].

The World Series trophy is the worst trophy in sports

There is no worse trophy than the World Series. That trophy stinks. That trophy's just literally like, Hey, how can we make a trophy that looks like it's gonna break at any moment? ... It really is. It's, it's really a blowout when you go from like the Stanley Cup to the World Series. ... The problem with it is, it, it looks cool if it's in a glass container, but to actually celebrate with it, you can't celebrate with it.

I am 120% stronger than I was two years ago

[I am] 10, 15 pounds [bigger]. I feel a lot stronger. ... If I was a hundred percent strong two years ago, I am 120% strong now.

NFL players should be allowed to taunt because they are adults getting paid

Why can't, I don't really understand. I think if you're getting paid to play football, you can taunt. I'm all for not taunting in college and high school. But once you get paid to play, I think we should be able to taunt and nobody's gonna get their feelings hurt. Like we're all big boys, we're gonna be okay.

The Bengals' championship window is open as long as I am the quarterback

[Is the window open?] It's always open. If you don't feel like that, then why are you playing football?

Chicken wings are the best food and would be my number one overall pick in a food draft

Chicken wings is my favorite. It is the best food. I would take it one, one in a food draft.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

James Harden was the primary problem during his tenure with the 76ers

[James Harden] is probably the problem, James. I've seen enough close up with my own two eyes to know that maybe I should not trust what you're saying about [the Sixers front office].

The Jordan Poole contract is the worst in sports history because it destroyed the Warriors' chemistry

I think you could make the argument that the Jordan Poole contract was the worst contract ever given out in all of sports. Not just because of the money given to Jordan Poole, but what it did to the rest of the team. Because that was like Klay watching that. Draymond watching that. It like screwed up the whole vibes of everything.

LeBron James has the Lakers franchise held hostage more than any player in sports history

I don't think there's ever been a player that has held a franchise hostage more than LeBron has a Lakers hostage right now. And it's maybe my favorite ongoing thing that he's pretending that isn't existing.

The Duke 'Brotherhood' is a fraud because John Scheyer and the program failed to stop Kyle Filipowski's grooming situation

Duke, do something... they clearly didn't say it strong enough. They cared more about getting points and rebounds out of the guy than his own mental health wellbeing. The brotherhood means nothing. The brotherhood is essentially the brotherhood until you get groomed as a high schooler and then gets snatched up and then, and then have your girlfriend excommunicate your family. Then guess what? The brotherhood doesn't count.

The July 4th holiday is ruined by Joey Chestnut's absence from the Nathan's hot dog contest

America's on the Hot Seat because it just dawned on me again that Joey Chestnut's not competing. That fucking sucks. One of the things that makes it the best holidays is just not gonna be there. And I think we all just need to be like ready for it because it's gonna suck beyond belief.

I would have been a D1 basketball player for Auburn if I had prioritized it over baseball

I would like to think just my competitive nature that I could have gone and played D1 basketball. If I put as much time and effort as I did into baseball, into basketball, I felt like I had a really good chance at doing that. And being an Auburn fan, I would've loved to go to the Auburn Tigers.

Nothing is hotter than asking for consent even when you know you already have it

It was nothing's hotter than asking for consent when you know that you have it. I think a lot of problems. I agree.

It is better to be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without one

Good guy with an axe though. Absolutely. Better than a bad guy with an ax. Would rather be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without wanting to come across.

The NBA needs to fix how they announce draft-day trades

Do your fucking trades like a normal league. Correct. Do your trades normally don't... Announce them normally... Via, via via. No. Just put a different logo on there. I'm dumb. I can't understand. I I see the first team and then I'm like, oh, there logos everywhere. That must be who this player is getting picked by. Do it normally.

The NBA should not have a two-day draft because they aren't the NFL

NBA I like it. I I love basketball. I I love the NBA. You're not the NFL. You don't get two days. Okay. Like the, the, the first round was already a bunch of French guys and people that we didn't watch play basketball last year. And now you're gonna make us do two days of this.

America loses the presidential debate because the only candidates are two 80-year-olds

America loses. Alright. We have a country of 360 million people and all we can find is two guys that are fucking 80 years old and America loses. Two 80-year-old guys with Cokehead sons. America loses.

CrossFit is the ultimate hobby that consumes a person's life and language

CrossFit. It consumes your life. You have to start recruiting other people to go to CrossFit. You put stickers all over your cars, stickers on your laptops... The one that they, they speak in CrossFit language. Yeah. And they, they ask each other constantly. How'd you do on the workout of the day?

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

Wishing yourself a Happy Mother's Day or Father's Day for owning a dog is the craziest thing ever

When a person wishes themselves Happy Mother's or Father's Day when you have just a dog. That's the craziest thing I've ever fucking seen in my life. The craziest thing was actually our guy Tony P in DC... 'what Father's Day means to me as an aspiring father.' That one was a little too much.

Being a 'wife guy' or significant other enthusiast is a hobby that becomes a personality

I was gonna just do like significant other, like when a guy gets a new girlfriend or a girl gets a new boyfriend and they just start posting about them 24/7... significant it plays together is more that's, that's more hobby-ish.

The Sonos app is terrible and needs to be completely fixed

I got something to say about Sonos. Figure it out guys. Ooh, what's up with this app? Why do I need the app to, to play the, the music? I agree. And if you're gonna require me to have the app to play music, at least make the app good. You know? Yes. I gotta be able to go on my Spotify and just click a speaker. Yep. You can do it with everything else.

The world needs straight comedy movies that aren't trying to be serious or deep

I see the movies coming out that are kind of comedies and I watch 'em. I feel like they're mid and lacking in comedy... When you put a comedy on, you drop your guard, right? Yeah. When you put on like The Hangover or some shit... And I'm ready to just immerse in this last year.

Connor McDavid cannot win the big one

[Connor McDavid] cannot win the big one. That part is unfortunately true unless you count the Conn Smythe trophy as the big one.

NHL goalies should be pulled from the ice with at least four minutes remaining

I think the goalie should have been pulled with like six minutes left in the period... no, I think they just like four and a half... I think you pull the goalie super early... it should definitely be more than one minute 45 seconds.

Dog influencers use their pets' social media accounts to get dates

How often do you think fucking happens between two dog owners or a dog owner with that Instagram handle of their dog and uses the DMs to fuck? ... She slid into my goldendoodle's DMs... not Ms. Peaches because Dave is famous in his own right. I'm talking about like the people who have no fame, but their dog has insane fame. You definitely use that dog to fuck, right? A hundred percent yes.

The Conn Smythe Trophy is the cruelest gift you can give a player who just lost the Stanley Cup

Fuck off on giving me that trophy after I just had my guts ripped out and was on the brink of a historical, historical comeback... why would you want to accept it? It's cool that he won it. He was the best player in these playoffs. He broke all these records, but fuck off on giving me that trophy... I would say it's probably the meanest gift you can give to somebody.

Jayson Tatum has no aura

Jayson Tatum has no aura. I have no aura. Perfect. Exa—great. Find it. That's, I have no aura... If you see it, you can tell, you can use, you don't have to know the definition... [Tatum] has no aura.

Caleb Williams has too much aura

You can't say that Caleb Williams doesn't have aura. He has so much. If anything, he's got too much aura.

Three beers is the perfect amount for playing a round of golf

Drank three beers and then the round ended and he ended up in a playoff and won the playoff... he was like, three beers are gonna make me play perfect. Like yes. It's the perfect amount. It is... for the people that say like, I need, you know, you hit a bad shot or you have a couple bad holes. You're like, I need to drink three beers.

The French plan to shit in the Seine to protest the Olympics is an awesome move

I stand with the French on [shitting in the river to protest]. I think it rocks to say we're gonna take a shit on our president. Yes. I think that's a very fun thing to do.

JJ Redick used his podcast with LeBron James as a 4-month job interview for the Lakers

He used podcasting... it's a stepping stone job... LeBron, you can have conversations with people and be like, I think this guy would be a good coach... just say what it was. Yeah. We decided, we realized that podcasting is the greatest loophole ever. And we did a podcast about the philosophies of basketball... I was essentially interviewing him for the job and then we hired him.

Jerry West will remain the NBA logo forever because he passed away before it could be changed

Now we're not talking about changing the logo anymore after [Jerry West] died. He's gonna be the logo for probably forever. But at the time when he was alive, they were like, we should maybe change it to Michael Jordan. Now you can't change it.

The ultimate drunk question to ask the boys is if you should 'call your guy'

Be safe out there kids, but should I call my guy? ... I think we all know what that means. Should I call my guy? That's a good pick.

The staple of being drunk with the boys is making aggressive plans for the next day that you won't keep

Making super aggressive plans for the next day that you're not gonna do [is a staple of being drunk with the boys]... like let's run it back tomorrow. Let's get brunch tomorrow. You know that nobody's gonna wake up before 10:00 AM.

Jalen Hurts is definitely a good NFL quarterback

Everyone knows that Jalen Hurts is good quarterback. Is he? Yeah. Jalen Hurts is the guy.

Everyone has one friend who thinks every woman they interact with is into them

Everyone has that one friend that thinks every chick is into him. You're like, dude, that's just not possible.

If the Oilers win Game 7, it will be the most iconic moment in Stanley Cup Finals history

This would be, I think, the most iconic moment in Stanley Cup finals history. If they're able to pull [off the comeback].

If you protest at a sporting event, your punishment should be getting hit with a ball from that sport

Your punishment should just be directly related to the sport. They should have to go stand at the tee box and Scottie Scheffler and Tom Kim get the tee one like right at them. That's what it should be.

The Las Vegas Sphere is a mind-blowing experience that exceeds all high expectations

Anyone who is thinking about going to the Sphere, do it. It was mind-blowing. The expectations were high and they blew them out of the water. I did have that thought of like, will I ever be able to go back to real life because it was that cool.

Clutch Sports trying to nitpick Michael Jordan's 1988 stats is a desperate admission of defeat in the GOAT debate

I don't understand how you can look at this and not be like, this is the pettiest saddest thing possible. If you have to try to tear down MJ to elevate LeBron, you've already lost in my opinion. If you have to go back in time and trying to nitpick stats, you're essentially admitting that you've lost.

Connor McDavid is the greatest athlete in the world right now

Connor McDavid and him being the greatest athlete in the world right now, better at his sport than any other person is at their sport.

The JJ Redick hiring is huge for the podcast community because it proves podcasters can do anything.

JJ Redick, coach of the Lakers... my first thought was, it's huge for the podcast community. It is. Us podcasters can do anything.